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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(voice over Raif) Buy camera,
press button, shoot wedding.
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You know, it all sounded
so bloody simple.
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Right, so here I am record...
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No, that's not it.
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-(Chris) Do you need a bit of help, mate?
-Eh?
8
00:00:49,712 --> 00:00:54,004
First of all, look, you've got it all
on manual settings.
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00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,796
You're zoomed right in.
You need to come out. There.
10
00:00:56,879 --> 00:00:59,462
-There's you.
-Full picture. Here's me.
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00:00:59,546 --> 00:01:01,212
Cheers for that.
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So, Raif Moyle here
somewhere over the North Sea.
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Making the symbolic journey home
to see my brother to be his best man.
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-This is Chris,
-Hello.
15
00:01:14,962 --> 00:01:18,046
Who showed me how to use
the camera. That's nice.
16
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This is 'Kyla' who,
for a free can of Heineken
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is about to get a starring role
in my picture.
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It's 3 euro's.
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(upbeat music)
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So, this was it. 10:15, May the 3rd,
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00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,921
arriving home to be
my brother's best man.
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I've just bought a camera and decided
to film the build-up to his wedding.
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At this point I'm exactly 6 weeks
and 3 days away
24
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from totally destroying their marriage.
Didn't know it then, of course. (chuckles)
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(Raif to cab driver) Cheers, mate.
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All I knew was I was coming home to see
my brother for the first time in 3 years.
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A really magical thing to get on film.
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00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:05,962
One of those things you can't repeat.
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00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:08,546
Bro!
(crashing sounds)
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00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:12,587
Oh, bollocks. We're gonna
have to do this again, sorry.
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-(Raif) Sit.
-(Tim) What are we doing?
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00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:20,921
-I just wanna get your reaction on camera.
-I'm trying to get dressed for a party.
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This will take less than a minute.
It's important.
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00:02:23,462 --> 00:02:25,004
-Right.
-Right? Ready?
35
00:02:25,087 --> 00:02:27,129
-Yes.
-Action.
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-Tim, my brother. How lovely to see you.
-Is that it?
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-I'm leaving a little gap for you.
-It's lovely to see you, too.
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Thank you. And as such, I've got you
the most incredible wedding present.
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-A toaster?
-No.
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00:02:40,462 --> 00:02:43,504
-An erotic fertility symbol?
-Better.
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00:02:43,587 --> 00:02:47,504
An erotic fertility symbol
that also toasts?
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Ta-da!
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-A camera?
-No, a film of your wedding.
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-No, you're not.
-The highs, the lows, the little--
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Listen.
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I'm gonna make this your wedding,
your film, made with love by me.
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-So that one day you and...
-Saskia.
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Saskia, thank you, can look back
at this, show it to your grandchildren.
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00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:13,546
-All right, well, yes, thank you very much.
-You're welcome.
50
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-But no swearing and no nudity.
-Scout's honour.
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00:03:17,962 --> 00:03:20,004
-Hi, sexy.
-Bloody hell. Do you mind?
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I'm telling you, this is gonna be
a 'warts and all' wedding video.
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And there, ladies, is the wart.
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This is what people wanna see.
That's the money shot right there.
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The looks and the brains.
Hey, how's it going?
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-You're the brains.
-Yeah?
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Yeah.
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(Raif laughs)
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-Look at that. Look at that bum.
-Yeah, all right.
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That's why she's marrying you.
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She says she knows you, by the way.
Saskia. I think she went to your school.
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-Saskia Critchley? Doesn't ring any bells.
-Well, no.
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Because her mum remarried. At
school she'd have been Saskia Dutton.
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-Fuck off.
-What?
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00:04:01,796 --> 00:04:06,462
You're marrying Saskia Dutton?
THE Saskia Dutton?
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00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,254
Highest non-attendance record
in school history.
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00:04:09,337 --> 00:04:15,087
Suspended on an almost fortnightly
basis. Saskia Dutton was a legend.
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-That is brilliant.
-Okay, can you stop this?
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It's amazing, though. Like, you!
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00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:25,087
-Why not me?
-Because you're you!
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00:04:25,171 --> 00:04:28,171
-That's ridiculous.
-It's not ridiculous.
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-Tim!
-Can you stop this.
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Hang on, the Duttons were permanently
skint. They can't live round here.
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00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:39,087
Yeah.
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00:04:39,171 --> 00:04:42,962
-I don't believe that.
-Well, I guess things have changed a bit.
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00:04:43,046 --> 00:04:45,921
(upbeat music)
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(Raif) Holy shit!
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This was it.
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The exact moment I entered a part of
Cheshire I'd only heard tell of as a kid.
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The part they called the Beverly Hills
of the UK.
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00:05:01,629 --> 00:05:03,379
Hi.
(indistinct laughter and chatter)
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00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,296
-Tim. There he is.
-Hi.
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00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:09,379
There he is, my superstar.
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00:05:11,671 --> 00:05:16,212
Alex, this is Raif, my brother.
Raif, this is Alex, Saskia's mother.
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-Hello, Raif.
-Hello.
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00:05:18,587 --> 00:05:20,671
-What's this?
-He's making a film.
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-As a wedding present.
-Oh, you should have told me.
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I'd have spent more time on my make-up.
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Right.
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Welcome, Raif.
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(classical music, indistinct chatter)
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Today there are still children
from low income backgrounds,
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whose lives are destroyed
by the ravages of alcohol abuse.
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00:05:44,671 --> 00:05:49,837
You presence at this champagne tasting
means we can send some of them--
95
00:05:49,921 --> 00:05:52,837
These are the 3 most important women
in Cheshire.
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00:05:52,921 --> 00:05:57,004
This is Kym Ling of Yang Ling restaurants.
Wilmslow, The Edge, everywhere.
97
00:05:57,087 --> 00:06:00,087
-Only 8, darling.
-Only 8, she says.
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00:06:00,171 --> 00:06:03,046
-Tara Devlin of--Devlins.
-Voilà.
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00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,254
And Jacqui Mintchell-Baines
of Mintchell-Baines Mercedes.
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00:06:06,337 --> 00:06:09,171
-Hello.
-Not to mention,
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the bride-to-be.
(laughter)
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Saskia! Saskia.
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Come and meet...the best man.
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-(Raif) Saskia Dutton.
-Raif Moyle.
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Fuck me.
(upbeat music)
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Okay, let me just explain
my reaction quickly.
107
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This is how I remember Saskia Dutton.
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The craziest girl at school,
when she bothered to turn up.
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The sort of girl your mum
would warn you about.
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She went to parties like this
and hung out with blokes like that.
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00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,796
But now...
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00:06:50,879 --> 00:06:54,337
So, how did the two of you meet?
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00:06:57,921 --> 00:07:00,462
We met at a Road Haulage Industry
gala night.
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00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,587
-Oooh. Sounds exciting.
-All right, steady.
115
00:07:03,671 --> 00:07:07,129
Was that a benefit for all the cyclists
they'd mowed down that year?
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00:07:07,212 --> 00:07:10,129
It was a benefit for children, Raif.
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Okay?
118
00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:17,837
It's a Christmas party. My step-dad,
well his company Rigid Box--
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00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:20,962
All right. Why don't you go back
there where I can keep an eye on you.
120
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A sheep smells nicer. Go on, go away.
121
00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:30,921
So, Tim, how does a guy like you
propose to a girl like Saskia?
122
00:07:31,004 --> 00:07:33,004
-Eh, we, it was in...
-It was in Chester.
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00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:35,337
Yeah. We came out of the restaurant,
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I sat her down by the fountains
roundabout and popped the question.
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And he timed the fountains
so they went off just as I gave my answer.
126
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Which was a bit embarrassing
because I said 'no' initially.
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00:07:49,629 --> 00:07:51,879
She's joking.
128
00:07:52,421 --> 00:07:56,129
Alex's charity events, perfection.
129
00:07:56,212 --> 00:07:57,962
I'm blushing here. So embarrassing.
130
00:07:58,046 --> 00:08:01,087
Do you remember the buffet
for Famine Relief?
131
00:08:01,171 --> 00:08:04,296
Oh, my God.
I've still got half of it in the freezer.
132
00:08:04,379 --> 00:08:08,296
Have you?
I'll have it back for the next one.
133
00:08:08,379 --> 00:08:12,546
-It's in a good cause.
-No, actually, we do raise a lot of money.
134
00:08:12,629 --> 00:08:15,171
-We try and put something back.
-Like today.
135
00:08:15,254 --> 00:08:18,546
-We've got great lives and...
-Very good cause. Let's drink to that.
136
00:08:18,629 --> 00:08:21,921
-The alcohol abused children.
-Absolutely.
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00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,671
Great lad.
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00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,296
Great lad this.
139
00:08:27,379 --> 00:08:31,379
As Saskia's step-dad, I suppose you're
doing 'the father of the bride' speech?
140
00:08:31,462 --> 00:08:35,171
-That's a great idea. Des, you should.
-No, no.
141
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:37,129
We would love that.
142
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:40,962
-Oh, good.
-Thanks.
143
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:46,962
-Are you from round here?
-Initially, yes. I'm a traveller now.
144
00:08:47,046 --> 00:08:49,546
-What?
-I travel.
145
00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:54,421
-Country to country, or lay-by to lay-by?
-Abroad.
146
00:08:54,504 --> 00:08:59,254
Right. For a minute there you had me
reaching for my handbag.
147
00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:03,379
Because if I were a traveller
I might try to rob you. That's...
148
00:09:03,462 --> 00:09:06,712
Of course not,
they don't all try to rob you.
149
00:09:08,587 --> 00:09:12,129
The adults keep you talking.
The children rob you.
150
00:09:12,212 --> 00:09:14,171
(Tim) Raif, where are you?
151
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:18,337
-I'm over here in England, in about 1700.
-Oh, you've met.
152
00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:22,462
This is Saskia's grandmother, Patricia.
Patricia, this is my brother Raif.
153
00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:24,504
-Brother?
-Yes.
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00:09:24,587 --> 00:09:27,671
Here's me asking if you know
Manor House. You went.
155
00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:30,671
No. Tim got a scholarship.
156
00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:33,879
I went to Roton High, same as Saskia.
157
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:36,712
She was in the year above me.
158
00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:39,837
Was above me in most things,
to be perfectly honest.
159
00:09:39,921 --> 00:09:42,212
When Saskia got told off it was
by the Headmaster.
160
00:09:42,296 --> 00:09:44,546
I only ever managed the Deputy Head.
161
00:09:44,629 --> 00:09:49,879
The last time I saw Saskia Dutton, she was
being carried out of the chemistry lab,
162
00:09:49,962 --> 00:09:54,879
a teacher at either end having drunk
an entire test tube of industrial alcohol.
163
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:58,046
-That was so funny. Remember?
-(mouthing) Fuck off.
164
00:09:58,129 --> 00:10:00,712
-Tim, shall we get another drink?
-What a good idea.
165
00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:02,837
(Raif clears throat)
166
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:13,004
This is the actual day. Saskia Dutton is
meant to be in this photograph but eh...
167
00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:16,046
well, she knew all the teachers
would be out on the field so,
168
00:10:16,129 --> 00:10:19,129
that was the day
of the chemistry lab raid.
169
00:10:19,212 --> 00:10:21,921
If she'd looked up as she was carried
into that ambulance--
170
00:10:22,004 --> 00:10:25,712
-I got a duvet and pillows and stuff.
-Look, look.
171
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:26,837
Cool.
172
00:10:26,921 --> 00:10:29,796
Have you really not opened any
of these boxes from mum and dad's?
173
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,546
I've been kinda busy, having a job,
getting married, buying this duvet.
174
00:10:33,629 --> 00:10:38,212
Come on, man. This is you and me in
these boxes. This is us, our whole lives.
175
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:42,754
Yeah. Okay, well knock yourself out.
Got a bit of an early start. All right?
176
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:46,837
-Sleep well.
-Night, mate.
177
00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:56,587
(chuckles)
178
00:11:00,212 --> 00:11:02,296
5:30 am.
179
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:05,462
The only people awake are milkmen,
crack addicts,
180
00:11:05,546 --> 00:11:08,004
and women preparing for a wedding.
181
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:14,421
-Do you have to do this?
-Course he does. It's background.
182
00:11:15,046 --> 00:11:18,379
-Have you filmed the home cinema?
-Yeah.
183
00:11:18,462 --> 00:11:21,087
Stick a kebab shop up there
and you'll never have to leave the house.
184
00:11:21,171 --> 00:11:24,962
Oh, I wish, don't you, that you had more
time at home sometimes?
185
00:11:25,046 --> 00:11:29,379
My husband, Des, with his company.
The amount of social functions.
186
00:11:29,462 --> 00:11:33,754
-Is it very hard being 'Mrs Rigid Box'?
-Not hard 'hard'.
187
00:11:33,837 --> 00:11:37,962
No, I'm not complaining. God, there's
people in India with no legs. It's just...
188
00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:41,171
Could you, sorry,
could you take your shoes...
189
00:11:41,254 --> 00:11:42,837
Oh, right. Sorry.
190
00:11:42,921 --> 00:11:45,754
-It's just with it being porcelain.
-Yeah.
191
00:11:46,629 --> 00:11:48,837
Thanks, darling.
This week, for example,
192
00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:52,046
2 separate nights we're taking clients
to the concerts at...
193
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:56,046
Do you know the classical concerts
at Breton Castle? Do you know those?
194
00:11:56,129 --> 00:12:01,379
They are amazing. Full orchestra,
outside, under the stars.
195
00:12:01,462 --> 00:12:05,837
-Costs a fortune to get in but...
-Not if you do it like we used to.
196
00:12:05,921 --> 00:12:09,837
Yeah, I'm sure Raif doesn't wanna know
about that, darling.
197
00:12:09,921 --> 00:12:14,504
We used to climb the hill from the other
side. Watch it all from behind for free.
198
00:12:14,587 --> 00:12:18,046
Bag of sandwiches.
199
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:20,837
Actually, Raif,
could you put your shoes back on?
200
00:12:22,254 --> 00:12:24,879
Oh, sorry.
201
00:12:24,962 --> 00:12:26,504
(upbeat music)
202
00:12:26,587 --> 00:12:29,379
Okay, get ready for the slow motion.
203
00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:35,087
And...slow motion.
204
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,004
Meet Tim Moyle, my big brother.
205
00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:41,796
(upbeat music)
206
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:43,879
(laughter)
207
00:12:44,587 --> 00:12:47,379
Oh, don't do that.
208
00:12:47,754 --> 00:12:51,629
-So, tell me about your job.
-Well, I'm head of a department,
209
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:55,921
which oversees systems across
the various council departments,
210
00:12:56,004 --> 00:12:59,671
-and it makes sure--
-Can't stay awake.
211
00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:02,962
Okay, piss right off. Thank you.
212
00:13:05,629 --> 00:13:08,754
-Here is where I had my first pint.
-Oh, come on.
213
00:13:08,837 --> 00:13:10,754
Put a bit of life into it.
214
00:13:10,837 --> 00:13:15,129
-Here is where I had my first pint.
-Yeah, all right, thank you.
215
00:13:17,754 --> 00:13:21,712
And so it was here amongst
this scrubland,
216
00:13:21,796 --> 00:13:25,129
-that Tim found an adult magazine.
-Raif.
217
00:13:25,212 --> 00:13:30,962
Upon taking it home, grandma found it
in the airing cupboard, and said to him:
218
00:13:31,046 --> 00:13:34,337
"Tim, if there's anything you don't
understand about women,
219
00:13:34,421 --> 00:13:36,587
you need only ever ask".
220
00:13:37,546 --> 00:13:41,462
And this is the bridge where Raif would
like me to tell you about something,
221
00:13:41,546 --> 00:13:45,129
but over there is the electric fence
where Raif, aged 5,
222
00:13:45,212 --> 00:13:47,921
electrocuted his penis
by trying to wee against it,
223
00:13:48,004 --> 00:13:50,587
and had to be taken to the hospital
with his pants down,
224
00:13:50,671 --> 00:13:53,462
and the doctor, who I thought had
a terrific sense of humour, said:
225
00:13:53,546 --> 00:13:56,754
"From now on, every time you do
a poo, your nose will light up".
226
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,504
And little Raif burst into tears.
Boo-hoo-hoo.
227
00:13:59,587 --> 00:14:01,254
(Raif) Thank you.
228
00:14:05,546 --> 00:14:07,837
Hello, and welcome to 'Mr and Mrs',
229
00:14:07,921 --> 00:14:11,837
where we find out how much the bride
and groom know about each other.
230
00:14:11,921 --> 00:14:14,504
-I really don't wanna do this.
-I told you.
231
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,796
Put the box on, it'll be good.
232
00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:21,337
So, Saskia, if you could get married
anywhere in the world,
233
00:14:21,421 --> 00:14:24,962
-where in the world would you get married?
-I dunno.
234
00:14:25,046 --> 00:14:28,296
Up a mountain or maybe the side
of a volcano or--
235
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:29,546
Really?
236
00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:31,504
You're not meant to be able to hear
in the box.
237
00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:34,087
-I thought you liked the Grosvenor?
-I do.
238
00:14:34,171 --> 00:14:38,754
I like it. If we have to have a load of
guests then it's fine.
239
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:44,046
Tim. People often refer to me
as the human Las Vegas.
240
00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:48,129
But if Saskia were any city in the world,
what city would she?
241
00:14:48,212 --> 00:14:50,337
Oh, eh, I don't know.
242
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,587
-Leicester?
-Leicester?
243
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:56,379
-You're not meant to be able to hear--
-What's wrong with Leicester?
244
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,921
-Le...I mean...
-It's bright, it's central.
245
00:14:59,004 --> 00:15:01,212
-It's got great connections.
-Oh.
246
00:15:01,296 --> 00:15:04,504
-It's nice. Have you ever been?
-No. Fair enough.
247
00:15:04,879 --> 00:15:06,921
-Right, put those on.
-I guess I am 'Leicester'.
248
00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:09,046
-Put that there. Thank you.
-Thank you.
249
00:15:09,129 --> 00:15:11,921
Right. Tim.
250
00:15:12,004 --> 00:15:15,462
What's the most embarrassing thing that's
happened during sexual intercourse?
251
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:17,837
-Don't you dare answer that.
-You're not meant to be...
252
00:15:17,921 --> 00:15:21,546
-Ow! Turn it down. Jesus.
-Tim.
253
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:25,546
What does Saskia think
is your most irritating habit?
254
00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:28,421
She'd probably say
I don't really have any.
255
00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:30,462
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
256
00:15:30,546 --> 00:15:33,837
-Final answer?
-Yeah.
257
00:15:34,212 --> 00:15:35,712
Okay.
258
00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:40,671
Saskia.
What is Tim's most irritating habit?
259
00:15:40,754 --> 00:15:43,879
Oh, God. Snoring.
260
00:15:43,962 --> 00:15:49,629
No? Did he say rolling down,
when he rolls down the cereal packet?
261
00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:52,296
Counting my drinks? No.
262
00:15:52,379 --> 00:15:57,171
When he puts the toilet paper in a 'V'.
That's really...
263
00:15:58,504 --> 00:16:00,671
Oh, no, did...
264
00:16:00,754 --> 00:16:03,004
did you think I was gonna say...
265
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,962
He folds up his dirty underwear
before he puts it in the laundry.
266
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:09,837
I don't actually find that annoying.
I think it's funny.
267
00:16:09,921 --> 00:16:11,837
-It makes sense.
-Yeah, I know.
268
00:16:11,921 --> 00:16:14,254
You fold it, you get more
in the laundry basket.
269
00:16:14,337 --> 00:16:17,171
I thought maybe you thought
that's what I thought--
270
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:23,921
Many people find getting married
is a time to re-examine their atheism.
271
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:26,129
-Hallo.
-Oh, hi.
272
00:16:26,212 --> 00:16:29,004
-Reverend Dobbs? Tim.
-Tim, how are you?
273
00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:32,754
-Hi, Saskia. Hello.
-Hello.
274
00:16:32,837 --> 00:16:35,837
Oh, sorry. This is, um,
this is the best man.
275
00:16:35,921 --> 00:16:38,587
He's just doing like a film thing
for the wedding.
276
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:41,546
No, no, that's fine. That's fine.
277
00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:43,796
I'm quite used to being in front of
a camera.
278
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:47,254
-(Raif) Oh, shit.
-Um, would you like to come in?
279
00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:50,546
Welcome...to Damascus.
280
00:16:50,629 --> 00:16:52,921
-(Tim) Right, so--
-This is it.
281
00:16:53,004 --> 00:16:58,546
Mary said to Joseph,
"I don't think this is our donkey".
282
00:16:58,629 --> 00:17:02,296
(laughing)
283
00:17:02,462 --> 00:17:05,087
That little boy.
284
00:17:14,712 --> 00:17:17,212
-Every time.
-That's really good.
285
00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:20,087
Cool, so um,
286
00:17:20,171 --> 00:17:23,879
could we, so the wedding, is that...
The wedding.
287
00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:27,254
-Of course, sorry, the wedding.
-I suppose we were thinking...
288
00:17:31,212 --> 00:17:33,087
Right.
289
00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:36,087
So...
290
00:17:38,254 --> 00:17:42,379
are you both virgins?
291
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:46,129
Well, um...
292
00:17:46,212 --> 00:17:48,629
(laughing)
293
00:17:49,421 --> 00:17:51,796
Your face. (laughing)
294
00:18:01,546 --> 00:18:06,587
-Wow.
-Every time. Every time.
295
00:18:06,754 --> 00:18:10,087
(upbeat music)
296
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:13,212
Now, Saskia wasn't
the only bride that summer.
297
00:18:13,296 --> 00:18:16,087
Also getting hitched was Zanna.
298
00:18:16,171 --> 00:18:21,504
Daughter of Alex's friend slash rival
Jacqui Mercedes Franchise.
299
00:18:21,587 --> 00:18:23,254
All right, yeah.
300
00:18:23,337 --> 00:18:26,504
(upbeat music)
301
00:18:26,587 --> 00:18:30,796
♪ The best things in life are free ♪
302
00:18:30,879 --> 00:18:34,379
After a perfect ceremony
and a flawless dove release,
303
00:18:34,462 --> 00:18:38,212
experts were predicting this would be
the Cheshire wedding of the year.
304
00:18:38,296 --> 00:18:41,421
-Gold leaf champagne?
-Oh, wonderful.
305
00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:44,254
Cheshire mushroom. Picked this
morning by the groom.
306
00:18:44,337 --> 00:18:46,546
-Really?
-Complimentary camera?
307
00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:48,254
Lovely.
308
00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:52,379
-Frozen sugared rose petals.
-For fuck's sake.
309
00:18:52,462 --> 00:18:55,129
Jacqui had hired
a professional film crew.
310
00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:59,921
They had a lot of fancy kit but lacked
a sort of creative integrity,
311
00:19:00,004 --> 00:19:03,087
demonstrated by a more independent
film-maker.
312
00:19:03,171 --> 00:19:07,087
(indistinct chatter and laughter)
313
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:09,671
It's a glorious wedding.
You've been brilliant.
314
00:19:11,046 --> 00:19:13,462
So is your wedding gonna be like this?
315
00:19:13,546 --> 00:19:16,004
Yeah, a bit like. I mean,
it's a wedding, isn't it?
316
00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:20,587
We've had the bit in the church, now you
do the milling around, avoiding people.
317
00:19:20,671 --> 00:19:24,087
-Well, you know, general milling.
-Boys...
318
00:19:24,171 --> 00:19:26,421
Come in here.
319
00:19:26,504 --> 00:19:29,004
Come in here. See this.
320
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:32,046
Take a look at this.
321
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:37,337
Get every detail. Even the canopy,
you know. They've thought of...
322
00:19:37,421 --> 00:19:40,546
These little diamondy things.
It's a lovely touch.
323
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:43,796
Could you clear the basin
so we can look at that?
324
00:19:45,462 --> 00:19:49,712
And this. The toilets.
Elmsley and Barnes in a portable.
325
00:19:49,796 --> 00:19:52,546
-(woman gasps)
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
326
00:19:52,629 --> 00:19:56,796
(rock-'n-roll music)
327
00:19:59,421 --> 00:20:01,629
Sorry.
328
00:20:01,712 --> 00:20:04,837
(music continues)
329
00:20:08,629 --> 00:20:13,046
The wedding was perfection.
But Jacqui hadn't finished.
330
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,712
Zanna was going to sing for us.
331
00:20:15,796 --> 00:20:17,087
(applause)
332
00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:23,212
A simple love song sung from the heart?
No. This was a Cheshire wedding so...
333
00:20:23,296 --> 00:20:28,254
(ship horn)
334
00:20:28,337 --> 00:20:32,379
(instrumental intro:
My Heart Will Go On)
335
00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:37,004
Smoke, smoke. More smoke.
336
00:20:37,087 --> 00:20:40,421
(coughing)
Too much smoke. Cut the smoke.
337
00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:42,379
(shouts)
338
00:20:42,462 --> 00:20:44,296
(gasps)
339
00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:46,629
-Daddy!
-The Ice!
340
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:51,004
(cracking noises)
341
00:20:51,087 --> 00:20:55,296
(hushed chatter)
342
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,587
Oh, shit.
343
00:21:00,046 --> 00:21:02,879
(birds chirping)
344
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:06,254
The next morning
I found a very different Alex.
345
00:21:06,337 --> 00:21:10,504
(glorious instrumental music)
346
00:21:14,921 --> 00:21:16,629
With the favourite fallen at the last,
347
00:21:16,712 --> 00:21:20,087
the race for Cheshire Wedding
Of The Year was wide open.
348
00:21:20,171 --> 00:21:22,962
Alex decided to pick up the pace.
349
00:21:23,046 --> 00:21:27,796
Suddenly I had a new camera
and shit loads of kit.
350
00:21:27,879 --> 00:21:30,504
Sorry, I got a bit of our reflection
in there.
351
00:21:30,587 --> 00:21:33,004
Sorry, Alex, have to do that again.
352
00:21:33,087 --> 00:21:37,254
-Hi There. My name's--
-Sorry, Rog. Lift the mic up a bit.
353
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:40,879
Sorry. Hi.
My name's Roger and I'm delighted,
354
00:21:40,962 --> 00:21:44,212
because I've just been asked
to write a love song for this video.
355
00:21:44,296 --> 00:21:49,254
Well, we said if you held the mic
we'd discuss it, so it's not a...
356
00:21:49,337 --> 00:21:52,171
All right. No, Rog...
357
00:21:52,296 --> 00:21:55,129
And you can find yourself
another fucking sound man.
358
00:21:55,212 --> 00:21:59,587
You're definitely doing it.
You are definitely, definitely doing it.
359
00:22:02,462 --> 00:22:04,046
Cheers, man.
360
00:22:07,087 --> 00:22:11,129
(instrumental music)
361
00:22:12,296 --> 00:22:14,712
-Oh, Rog, don't stand there.
-What?
362
00:22:14,796 --> 00:22:16,837
You're in the shot.
363
00:22:19,962 --> 00:22:24,254
And this is the Meribelle
modelled by Tricia.
364
00:22:24,962 --> 00:22:27,629
Tricia's put on a little weight recently,
365
00:22:27,712 --> 00:22:31,254
but the Meribelle's woven
with elastic panels,
366
00:22:31,337 --> 00:22:33,587
so it can cope with the odd doughnut.
367
00:22:33,671 --> 00:22:36,171
-Rog, you're in shot again.
-Can I have a go?
368
00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:40,046
No, you can't have a go.
I've got a tone here, a style developing.
369
00:22:40,129 --> 00:22:42,587
But this thing's killing my arms.
370
00:22:42,671 --> 00:22:46,254
You wouldn't ask Rembrandt "Can I have
a go on your paintbrush?" Would you?
371
00:22:46,337 --> 00:22:50,129
-Don't be a twat.
-Don't say that at a wedding fayre.
372
00:22:50,212 --> 00:22:53,087
-Twat!
-Rog, shut up!
373
00:22:55,629 --> 00:23:00,462
(Saskia) I'm just saying it would be nice.
Well, your brother made it.
374
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:04,837
-Actually, yeah. Have a go.
-Cool.
375
00:23:04,921 --> 00:23:07,921
(upbeat music)
376
00:23:08,837 --> 00:23:13,462
So, our guinea pig today is Lauren.
Lauren, have you set a date?
377
00:23:13,546 --> 00:23:18,379
I have, Penny. 30th of January, 3 years'
time, Mairstone Castle.
378
00:23:18,462 --> 00:23:22,796
3 years. Wow. Is your groom all right
about that long a wait?
379
00:23:22,879 --> 00:23:28,129
I haven't actually met anyone yet, but if I
don't book now I won't get the venue.
380
00:23:28,754 --> 00:23:34,004
And with our specialist technology,
we put weights within the bouquet,
381
00:23:34,087 --> 00:23:38,796
so that the extra weight of the posy
will tense your biceps.
382
00:23:38,879 --> 00:23:41,087
It will strengthen your triceps,
383
00:23:41,171 --> 00:23:45,546
and it will eliminate any risk
of bingo wings on your big day.
384
00:23:45,629 --> 00:23:49,212
But also to try and find something that's
compatible with your current--
385
00:23:49,337 --> 00:23:51,671
Obviously, you don't wanna be all like--
386
00:23:51,754 --> 00:23:54,796
You don't want to be stiff on the morning
after your wedding.
387
00:23:54,879 --> 00:23:56,712
-Yeah, Raif. Stop it.
-Hmm?
388
00:23:56,796 --> 00:23:58,337
Stop it.
389
00:24:00,712 --> 00:24:03,046
Hi, guys. So the idea is you visit
the studios
390
00:24:03,129 --> 00:24:05,004
around six weeks before your
wedding day,
391
00:24:05,087 --> 00:24:08,296
and you bring your wedding lingerie,
your veil and tiara,
392
00:24:08,379 --> 00:24:11,712
and then we direct you
into these amazing body sculpting poses.
393
00:24:11,796 --> 00:24:14,587
Do this. Definitely do this.
394
00:24:14,671 --> 00:24:18,879
Ever the other way round?
Do you ever film grooms for brides?
395
00:24:18,962 --> 00:24:22,212
Yes, of course, sir. Would you like
to enter our draw to win a photo-shoot?
396
00:24:22,296 --> 00:24:25,379
No, thank you. It's great.
No, it's not for me.
397
00:24:25,462 --> 00:24:28,754
-Thank you so much. Thank you.
-Thanks. Cheers.
398
00:24:29,587 --> 00:24:32,712
(Raif) Cor, don't mind if I do.
399
00:24:32,796 --> 00:24:35,379
-Actually, yes, I will.
-Great.
400
00:24:37,129 --> 00:24:41,129
The heat of the room warms them up.
So at the special moment,
401
00:24:41,212 --> 00:24:45,921
la-la, voilà,
wedding filled with butterflies.
402
00:24:46,004 --> 00:24:49,962
-That is stupendous.
-Look at that.
403
00:24:50,046 --> 00:24:52,254
-We've got to have that.
-You have.
404
00:24:52,337 --> 00:24:56,046
-Is that one dead?
-No, they're just sleeping.
405
00:24:56,129 --> 00:24:59,337
They're all...Those four are dead.
Look, that's not moving.
406
00:24:59,421 --> 00:25:02,129
That one's alive.
I think it's eating that one.
407
00:25:02,212 --> 00:25:05,754
Look, there's one right here.
There's one on you. (gasps)
408
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:08,504
Get it off. Please take it off.
I don't want it.
409
00:25:08,587 --> 00:25:10,754
Please, take it off. I don't like...
Sorry.
410
00:25:10,837 --> 00:25:14,087
-(Raif) They're nice.
-I don't want that, actually. Sorry.
411
00:25:14,171 --> 00:25:17,712
What can a butterfly do except
look lovely?
412
00:25:17,796 --> 00:25:20,879
-Sas...
-Don't worry, we'll have them.
413
00:25:20,962 --> 00:25:23,421
-Thank you.
-Three boxes for each per...
414
00:25:23,504 --> 00:25:25,504
-So we've got eight bridesmaids--
-Well, um...
415
00:25:25,587 --> 00:25:29,879
making it personal to Saskia, you know.
I think that's what...Don't we?
416
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:33,421
What makes a wedding special.
Those little personal ideas,
417
00:25:33,504 --> 00:25:39,296
personal touches that make it
absolutely, entirely Saskia's.
418
00:25:39,379 --> 00:25:42,462
And I hope that's what Jenna's
going to come up with.
419
00:25:44,754 --> 00:25:47,087
(Raif) What's it like
being a wedding planner?
420
00:25:47,171 --> 00:25:52,296
Oh, well being a wedding planner's
a dream job for a woman.
421
00:25:52,379 --> 00:25:56,212
You get married 6 times a year and you
never have to go home with a men.
422
00:26:00,129 --> 00:26:03,421
-And you used to be an air hostess?
-Er, yes.
423
00:26:03,504 --> 00:26:08,671
I stopped being an air hostess after
one particularly bad flight into...
424
00:26:08,754 --> 00:26:13,087
Helsinki, after which I sort of
lost confidence.
425
00:26:13,171 --> 00:26:18,421
And my love for the job, and I suffered
a severe loss of drive.
426
00:26:18,504 --> 00:26:22,212
Severe loss of, of motivation. Plus um...
427
00:26:22,296 --> 00:26:25,046
I started to...
428
00:26:25,129 --> 00:26:28,671
scream quite a bit during turbulence,
so that wasn't...
429
00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:30,587
so good.
430
00:26:40,087 --> 00:26:43,254
Remember one thing.
431
00:26:43,337 --> 00:26:46,004
People come for the bride and the groom,
432
00:26:46,087 --> 00:26:48,796
but they go home,
433
00:26:48,879 --> 00:26:51,254
talking about the butterfly release.
434
00:26:59,171 --> 00:27:01,212
Wow.
435
00:27:01,712 --> 00:27:03,754
This is going to be really special.
436
00:27:03,837 --> 00:27:06,504
To get some tips for Tim and Saskia's
first dance,
437
00:27:06,587 --> 00:27:11,712
we've managed to get Konstantin
Yevchinski from the Moscow Ballet.
438
00:27:14,379 --> 00:27:17,921
So our thought was, um,
this is kind of our song.
439
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:20,379
Well, not our song but a song
that was playing when,
440
00:27:20,462 --> 00:27:24,046
on the night we met. So...
(music: The Power of Love)
441
00:27:24,129 --> 00:27:28,087
(Konstantin speaking Russian)
442
00:27:28,171 --> 00:27:32,587
Um, do it, the dance, now.
443
00:27:35,504 --> 00:27:39,504
(music continues)
444
00:27:45,629 --> 00:27:50,087
(Konstantin speaking Russian)
445
00:27:50,171 --> 00:27:54,004
Um, you two have never had sex.
446
00:27:54,087 --> 00:27:57,004
(speaking Russian)
447
00:27:57,087 --> 00:28:01,212
You dance like you've never had sex.
448
00:28:01,296 --> 00:28:04,546
Have you had sex?
449
00:28:04,629 --> 00:28:08,129
-Not since we got here.
-No.
450
00:28:11,712 --> 00:28:14,504
Dance is passion.
451
00:28:14,587 --> 00:28:18,004
It's not here. It's here.
(Tim gasps)
452
00:28:18,087 --> 00:28:21,171
(speaking Russian)
453
00:28:21,629 --> 00:28:26,671
(music: Play That Funky Music)
454
00:28:28,671 --> 00:28:32,879
(music: Dancing The Night Away)
455
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:36,212
(squealing and chuckling)
456
00:28:38,004 --> 00:28:44,087
(Irish Folk Music)
457
00:28:44,587 --> 00:28:48,171
(music: Shaking That Ass)
458
00:28:50,212 --> 00:28:52,754
(Irish Folk Music)
459
00:28:52,837 --> 00:28:58,087
(music: Shaking That Ass)
460
00:28:58,921 --> 00:29:03,212
(Tango music)
461
00:29:06,546 --> 00:29:10,337
(Konstantin yells in Russian)
462
00:29:10,421 --> 00:29:15,004
(continues speaking in Russian)
463
00:29:17,004 --> 00:29:19,087
-It's, it's shit. Basically.
-Right.
464
00:29:19,171 --> 00:29:21,587
(Russian)
465
00:29:21,671 --> 00:29:24,337
Terrible. Shit. Penis limp.
466
00:29:24,421 --> 00:29:25,879
(Russian)
467
00:29:25,962 --> 00:29:31,129
Drooping like two wildebeests
or any bison like creature.
468
00:29:31,212 --> 00:29:34,212
-Pissed bison. Yeah, pissed.
-Oh, no, don't...
469
00:29:34,296 --> 00:29:36,171
Oh, if you just...
470
00:29:37,796 --> 00:29:39,671
Maestro!
471
00:29:39,754 --> 00:29:42,629
(Tango music)
472
00:29:42,712 --> 00:29:45,337
(Konstantin grunts) Oh, yes.
473
00:29:54,004 --> 00:29:55,962
(gasping)
474
00:30:01,129 --> 00:30:03,546
(speaking Russian)
475
00:30:03,629 --> 00:30:05,296
(giggling)
476
00:30:05,379 --> 00:30:09,671
If you feel passion in your partner,
you'll feel it!
477
00:30:09,754 --> 00:30:12,962
(Raif) Is that right, Alex?
Did you feel his passion?
478
00:30:13,046 --> 00:30:14,962
Sorry?
479
00:30:15,629 --> 00:30:17,004
(Konstantin groans)
480
00:30:17,587 --> 00:30:23,004
(Raif) Gonna put the camera here.
I've no idea what I'm filming.
481
00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:26,921
Who was it who said: "You never know
what's around the corner"?
482
00:30:27,004 --> 00:30:29,087
Um, John F Kennedy.
483
00:30:29,171 --> 00:30:33,587
No, I think it was Forrest Gump,
wasn't it? That chocolate's thing?
484
00:30:33,671 --> 00:30:36,921
Anyway, you plan for one venue
and suddenly
485
00:30:37,004 --> 00:30:41,462
one you could only dream of
gets a wedding licence.
486
00:30:41,546 --> 00:30:44,754
-What are you talking about?
-Something happened with the Grosvenor?
487
00:30:44,837 --> 00:30:46,504
What's going on?
488
00:30:48,462 --> 00:30:50,462
Blindfolds off.
489
00:30:50,546 --> 00:30:52,921
(instrumental music)
490
00:30:53,004 --> 00:30:54,296
(Raif chuckles)
491
00:30:54,379 --> 00:30:57,921
If there was a lesson to be learned
from the sinking of the Titanic,
492
00:30:58,046 --> 00:31:00,587
like something about bigger
not always being better,
493
00:31:00,671 --> 00:31:05,046
Alex was studiously ignoring it.
(Alex chuckles)
494
00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:08,004
It's all yours.
495
00:31:09,671 --> 00:31:12,504
It's quite ridiculous.
We're just gonna say 'no'.
496
00:31:12,587 --> 00:31:15,712
Yeah, it's too big. I know, don't worry.
497
00:31:17,629 --> 00:31:19,296
Come here, look at this.
498
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:23,254
The first couple to be married at
Rostherne Hall. How does that sound?
499
00:31:23,337 --> 00:31:25,754
Great.
500
00:31:27,212 --> 00:31:29,421
(Alex chuckles)
501
00:31:29,504 --> 00:31:31,587
-Tim?
-Yeah.
502
00:31:33,337 --> 00:31:38,171
-(Saskia) We're in a bloody stately home!
-I was there, I saw it.
503
00:31:38,254 --> 00:31:41,337
Raif Moyle reporting here.
504
00:31:41,421 --> 00:31:44,921
As I'm showing you everything
that happened in the run-up to the wedding,
505
00:31:45,004 --> 00:31:49,671
I think it's important that we document
some of the 'speed bumps' on the...
506
00:31:49,754 --> 00:31:52,587
-path of the happy day.
-(Tim) We're discussing it.
507
00:31:52,671 --> 00:31:56,587
It's a bit bloody late now. 2 seconds later
Mum comes over and you're like...
508
00:31:56,671 --> 00:31:58,712
-"O, great. Fantastic!"
-What am I supposed to do?
509
00:31:58,796 --> 00:32:03,921
Say, "Shove it up your arse, your stately
home". No, I can't do that.
510
00:32:04,004 --> 00:32:06,462
She's your mother, it makes her happy.
511
00:32:09,754 --> 00:32:13,462
One day he'll look back on that,
512
00:32:13,546 --> 00:32:15,796
and really laugh.
513
00:32:15,879 --> 00:32:17,837
(door slams shut)
514
00:32:22,421 --> 00:32:26,879
(commentator) Next on the card
is the 3:25 Rigid Box Haulage Stakes.
515
00:32:26,962 --> 00:32:28,921
Classified race over 7 furlongs.
516
00:32:29,004 --> 00:32:32,046
(crowd cheering)
517
00:32:37,504 --> 00:32:39,379
Are you running?
518
00:32:39,462 --> 00:32:43,671
Um girls, I'm afraid there's been a change
of venue for the wedding,
519
00:32:43,754 --> 00:32:46,504
-so new invitations.
-My God, they haven't double-booked?
520
00:32:46,587 --> 00:32:49,796
-Not the Grosvenor, surely?
-No, no. It's just that, um...
521
00:32:49,879 --> 00:32:53,421
Somewhere else came up which had
always been Saskia's favourite anyway.
522
00:32:53,504 --> 00:32:56,462
-Oh, my God.
-It's not a hassle, is it?
523
00:32:56,546 --> 00:33:00,212
-Had you booked cabs?
-Alex, it's Rostherne Hall.
524
00:33:00,296 --> 00:33:03,462
Wow, it's Rostherne Hall.
525
00:33:03,546 --> 00:33:05,546
How on earth did you manage
to get that?
526
00:33:05,629 --> 00:33:08,337
-Amazing. That's...
-It's unheard of, actually.
527
00:33:08,421 --> 00:33:10,712
-Wow.
-Brilliant.
528
00:33:10,796 --> 00:33:15,254
Are you getting all this? Sorry, but if you
don't take the first time then...
529
00:33:15,337 --> 00:33:17,837
the reactions aren't so real.
Thanks, Raif.
530
00:33:17,921 --> 00:33:19,879
(commentator indistinct)
531
00:33:19,962 --> 00:33:24,462
-It's outrageous.
-Oh, it's fucking ridiculous.
532
00:33:24,546 --> 00:33:28,254
-It's far too big.
-But it's cold, Jacqui, that's the thing.
533
00:33:28,337 --> 00:33:31,629
-She'll never heat it.
-No, I know, it's wrong.
534
00:33:33,004 --> 00:33:37,129
(Raif) So, Des,
how's the big speech coming along?
535
00:33:37,212 --> 00:33:39,629
How's this for an opener?
536
00:33:39,712 --> 00:33:41,296
"Ladies and gentlemen,
537
00:33:41,379 --> 00:33:46,671
most of you know I am not Saskia's
biological father,
538
00:33:46,754 --> 00:33:50,337
but I like to think
I am her nonbiological one...
539
00:33:52,004 --> 00:33:56,046
-Well, will that get a laugh?
-Um...
540
00:33:56,129 --> 00:33:59,504
-Bird cages. With real birds in them.
-Oh.
541
00:33:59,587 --> 00:34:03,671
And you dye the bird to match the cage.
Or you can have a white one and a black.
542
00:34:03,754 --> 00:34:06,337
-I don't want birds.
-Darling, look...
543
00:34:06,462 --> 00:34:08,254
Picture frames on twigs.
544
00:34:08,337 --> 00:34:11,962
-Why?
-Why? Why not. Why not.
545
00:34:12,046 --> 00:34:14,296
The doctor said,
"I can't see a parrot, madam,
546
00:34:14,379 --> 00:34:17,129
but I can tell you've had a cockatoo".
547
00:34:17,587 --> 00:34:20,462
-Inappropriate?
-(Raif) Um...
548
00:34:21,837 --> 00:34:25,629
Wheat grass. Just knock it back.
Good for your teeth.
549
00:34:29,712 --> 00:34:31,962
Okay.
550
00:34:32,712 --> 00:34:34,212
Just...
551
00:34:39,046 --> 00:34:41,004
Okay.
552
00:34:42,379 --> 00:34:44,296
-Er, wheat grass.
-Mum, I--
553
00:34:44,379 --> 00:34:47,087
Wheat grass!
(deep loud voice) Wheat grass!
554
00:34:47,171 --> 00:34:49,462
-Thank you, Jenna.
-Jenna's being marvellous.
555
00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:53,379
-Something with a horn. Thank you.
-(Alex laughing) Stop it.
556
00:34:53,462 --> 00:34:56,129
I'm gonna be your mother-in-law
in a week.
557
00:34:56,212 --> 00:34:59,921
(music)
558
00:35:07,671 --> 00:35:09,921
-It's lovely.
-Feel that, you can just...
559
00:35:10,004 --> 00:35:14,796
I think it could do with a coat of arms.
An escutcheon thing with the family crest.
560
00:35:14,879 --> 00:35:16,171
(music continues)
561
00:35:16,254 --> 00:35:18,796
250? 300.
562
00:35:18,879 --> 00:35:23,004
(music continues)
563
00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:27,254
Oh, sorry.
564
00:35:27,337 --> 00:35:30,962
Forget my head. All right?
Oh, you got that down you? Good.
565
00:35:34,837 --> 00:35:39,337
-Ta-da!
-Oh, I think they're perfect.
566
00:35:39,421 --> 00:35:41,087
No. I don't like it.
567
00:35:47,629 --> 00:35:52,087
As you enter, the falcon flies the length
of the church,
568
00:35:52,171 --> 00:35:54,296
and delivers you the wedding rings.
569
00:35:54,379 --> 00:35:55,962
-(bell tinkles)
-All right?
570
00:35:56,046 --> 00:35:59,046
Jenna, you're a genius.
You are a genius.
571
00:35:59,129 --> 00:36:03,171
We'll have that. Definitely. Fantastic.
572
00:36:04,379 --> 00:36:07,712
(Tim) I don't know what it is.
It's part of the theme, isn't it?
573
00:36:07,796 --> 00:36:12,421
What, birds of prey theme? Okay.
I must have missed that meeting,
574
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:15,129
we decided to have
a predator themed wedding.
575
00:36:15,212 --> 00:36:17,837
-Okay. I'll change it.
-Were you at the meeting?
576
00:36:17,921 --> 00:36:21,046
I'll tell them you're not happy
with the falcons delivering the rings.
577
00:36:21,129 --> 00:36:24,796
Let's have a couple of penguins
with them on trays. Yeah?
578
00:36:24,879 --> 00:36:28,004
That's a nice idea.
Yeah, thank you.
579
00:36:33,046 --> 00:36:36,379
(Raif) So, I was thinking we should film
at the summerhouse.
580
00:36:36,504 --> 00:36:39,129
Are you gonna watch that?
Is that why you're making it?
581
00:36:39,212 --> 00:36:42,212
-It's a present for you.
-Yeah? Well, stop it. Okay?
582
00:36:42,296 --> 00:36:45,212
Just put it down.
If it's a present for me then...
583
00:36:45,296 --> 00:36:48,712
When somebody offers you a present,
it is customary to accept.
584
00:36:48,796 --> 00:36:51,421
There's actually a tribe
in Eastern Siberia where--
585
00:36:51,504 --> 00:36:53,587
Can you get the salsa, please?
586
00:36:53,671 --> 00:36:56,671
-I don't think the camera's the problem.
-I do, Raif.
587
00:36:56,754 --> 00:37:00,337
-No, it's that you don't back up Saskia.
-All right, I'll get it myself.
588
00:37:00,421 --> 00:37:02,546
-You roll over to Alex all the time.
-What?!
589
00:37:02,629 --> 00:37:04,712
-Anything she says--
-I haven't rolled over to anyone.
590
00:37:04,796 --> 00:37:08,337
Don't be silly. If she told you you were
having an underwater wedding,
591
00:37:08,421 --> 00:37:11,754
-you'd be round there in a frog suit.
-I want you to be there,
592
00:37:11,837 --> 00:37:14,962
in the middle of this nightmare
helping me organise this wedding,
593
00:37:15,046 --> 00:37:17,254
instead of just dicking around
around the edges.
594
00:37:17,337 --> 00:37:20,421
How dare you! I am not dicking
around the edges.
595
00:37:20,504 --> 00:37:26,004
-I'm taking this very serious.
-What the hell is this?
596
00:37:26,087 --> 00:37:28,379
Right, yeah. Well...
597
00:37:28,462 --> 00:37:33,046
I won a raffle at a wedding show.
It seemed like a shame to waste it.
598
00:37:34,087 --> 00:37:36,671
-You say "no" for the sake of saying no.
-No. Mum.
599
00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:39,212
You've always been like this.
"No, I don't like braces".
600
00:37:39,296 --> 00:37:43,004
"No, I don't want to go to finishing
school." But you've got to try things.
601
00:37:43,087 --> 00:37:47,254
Oh, I've got to try things?
Well, I've never tried heroin, so...
602
00:37:47,337 --> 00:37:50,337
-Can you stop filming, please?
-Shall I try some?
603
00:37:50,421 --> 00:37:52,129
-Probably not.
-Mum.
604
00:37:52,212 --> 00:37:56,004
You want me to travel in a Rolls Royce.
Fine.
605
00:37:56,087 --> 00:37:59,462
Then you change your mind.
You want to travel in a Bentley. Fine!
606
00:37:59,546 --> 00:38:03,254
Don't you want enchantment?
Don't you want your day to...
607
00:38:03,337 --> 00:38:06,587
-Don't you want it to be special?
-Mum, are you taking heroin?
608
00:38:06,671 --> 00:38:11,087
Because every time I tell you
what I want, it's like you're not there!
609
00:38:11,171 --> 00:38:13,046
Do not say that.
610
00:38:13,129 --> 00:38:19,004
I'm no monster. I'm a mother who wants
her daughter's wedding day to be special.
611
00:38:19,087 --> 00:38:22,337
(horse neighs, sound of horses hooves)
612
00:38:27,546 --> 00:38:32,754
I didn't like to say in front of your mother
but I think that horse had the horn.
613
00:38:32,837 --> 00:38:36,046
You look like you could do with a drink.
614
00:38:37,546 --> 00:38:39,087
We're there. There.
615
00:38:39,171 --> 00:38:41,379
Okay. Oh, Crikey, I'm on now, am I?
616
00:38:41,462 --> 00:38:44,254
Yes, you are officially part
of our wedding video.
617
00:38:44,337 --> 00:38:47,921
-Show him the ring, darling.
-Oh, that's lovely. Congratulations.
618
00:38:48,004 --> 00:38:51,129
-Thank you.
-We're very happy.
619
00:38:51,212 --> 00:38:55,337
Well done. So you're looking for wine
for how many?
620
00:38:55,421 --> 00:38:58,962
-600. Yeah.
-600?
621
00:38:59,046 --> 00:39:02,212
-600?
-Yeah, we're up to 6 now.
622
00:39:02,296 --> 00:39:05,254
Right, 600. Right, okay, well, I'll just...
623
00:39:05,337 --> 00:39:07,754
Sit down. I'll just get a little selection.
624
00:39:07,837 --> 00:39:09,879
-A seat for the bride?
-Thank you, my darling.
625
00:39:09,962 --> 00:39:11,921
Don't mention it, my sweet.
626
00:39:12,004 --> 00:39:14,337
Won't be long. Just make yourselves
comfortable. 600?
627
00:39:14,421 --> 00:39:17,337
-Six. Yes.
-Our 600 guests,
628
00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:20,546
who we shall now
try all of the wine for.
629
00:39:25,421 --> 00:39:27,837
Mmmm.
630
00:39:27,921 --> 00:39:31,212
-You get the almonds just at the end.
-It just nips in there.
631
00:39:31,296 --> 00:39:33,962
The almond just nips in there.
632
00:39:34,046 --> 00:39:35,921
I can taste liquorice.
633
00:39:36,004 --> 00:39:38,587
And liquorice as well, yes. Well spotted.
634
00:39:38,671 --> 00:39:42,171
-Do you have any others with liquorice?
-I think...
635
00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:45,379
Actually, yes. Hold tight.
636
00:39:45,462 --> 00:39:47,504
Now we're in...
637
00:39:47,587 --> 00:39:49,254
business.
638
00:39:55,337 --> 00:39:57,004
Cheers.
639
00:39:59,129 --> 00:40:01,629
-That's lovely.
-I'm getting mango.
640
00:40:01,712 --> 00:40:03,171
-Are you?
-Mango?
641
00:40:06,087 --> 00:40:09,254
But jasmine as well?
Bit of jasmine in there?
642
00:40:11,004 --> 00:40:13,296
-Very moreish.
-Yeah.
643
00:40:13,379 --> 00:40:18,212
Yeah. Lovely, yes. Thank you.
Now this has a lovely,
644
00:40:18,296 --> 00:40:20,671
herbaceous,
645
00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:21,921
green aromas.
646
00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:25,712
So we can compare them,
let's get another of the...
647
00:40:25,796 --> 00:40:29,379
the, er, one, um,
the one before.
648
00:40:29,837 --> 00:40:31,921
You see the bottle opener
anywhere?
649
00:40:34,212 --> 00:40:37,921
-You're so funny, Andrew. You're so funny.
-You two, I know.
650
00:40:38,004 --> 00:40:43,004
-To happy happiness.
-And plenty more where that came from.
651
00:40:43,087 --> 00:40:45,962
You just see what you wanna see,
don't you?
652
00:40:46,046 --> 00:40:49,087
You just bloody see what you wanna see.
653
00:40:49,171 --> 00:40:52,337
(Andrew 'singing')
654
00:41:00,212 --> 00:41:02,796
(Roger) Do you wanna hear the song
that I've written?
655
00:41:02,879 --> 00:41:04,462
(Saskia) Yeah.
656
00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:11,671
♪ His name is Tim
Your name is Saskia ♪
657
00:41:16,337 --> 00:41:18,296
Well, is that...
658
00:41:18,379 --> 00:41:20,337
Is that it?
659
00:41:20,421 --> 00:41:22,462
I can't remember what I did after that,
to be honest.
660
00:41:22,546 --> 00:41:27,546
I don't think I want my wedding song
written by the 'orgasm gun' guy.
661
00:41:27,629 --> 00:41:33,379
Okay, just to clarify.
At school Roger and I were in a band.
662
00:41:33,462 --> 00:41:36,254
I say 'band'. We only had the one song.
663
00:41:36,337 --> 00:41:39,796
♪ Doctor Sargasso's orgasm gun ♪
664
00:41:39,879 --> 00:41:44,379
I say 'song'. It was really just one line
that we repeated over and over again,
665
00:41:44,462 --> 00:41:47,379
whilst everyone pretended to have
an orgasm,
666
00:41:47,462 --> 00:41:52,337
which went down surprisingly poorly
at the Christmas carol concert.
667
00:41:52,421 --> 00:41:55,837
♪ Doctor Sargasso's orgasm gun
668
00:41:59,546 --> 00:42:03,587
-♪ Doctor Sargasso's orgasm gun ♪
-Sorry, what, hello.
669
00:42:03,671 --> 00:42:06,837
-Waaaaay!
-What's going on?
670
00:42:06,921 --> 00:42:09,629
Where have you been?
We've gotta eat.
671
00:42:09,712 --> 00:42:13,171
We...we, we have to go and eat,
to eat with the chef.
672
00:42:13,254 --> 00:42:17,629
-Who gave her the spliff? You?
-Er, hello.
673
00:42:17,712 --> 00:42:20,629
-I'm still in the room. I can hear you.
-Yeah, right, you are.
674
00:42:20,712 --> 00:42:22,587
Tim!
(laughing)
675
00:42:22,671 --> 00:42:24,921
Don't laugh at him.
676
00:42:26,421 --> 00:42:29,129
(Saskia) And you're just like "Yeah, fine"
to whatever she says.
677
00:42:29,212 --> 00:42:32,171
-That is such a load of bollocks.
-Yes, you are!
678
00:42:32,254 --> 00:42:34,254
I've never heard such shit in my life.
679
00:42:34,337 --> 00:42:37,254
-What did you do all day?
-I wanted to go out.
680
00:42:37,379 --> 00:42:40,712
-Raif was there.
-Just been titting around with him.
681
00:42:47,921 --> 00:42:50,837
She just needed a break
from the wedding stuff.
682
00:42:50,921 --> 00:42:53,754
Don't make this harder than it is already.
683
00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:57,796
I see you've worked out the title
of your autobiography then. (chuckles)
684
00:43:01,629 --> 00:43:06,087
Hiring Rostherne Hall attracted the
attention of the local glossy magazine,
685
00:43:06,171 --> 00:43:11,087
which promptly made them the stars
of their 'Wedding Of The Month' feature.
686
00:43:11,171 --> 00:43:14,171
This required a photo-shoot.
687
00:43:14,504 --> 00:43:17,546
Smile. Just remember you're in love.
688
00:43:17,629 --> 00:43:22,046
And you have your whole lives together.
689
00:43:22,129 --> 00:43:23,921
Meanwhile, out on the terrace,
690
00:43:24,004 --> 00:43:27,879
Britain's next top model was getting
ready to have her photo taken, too.
691
00:43:27,962 --> 00:43:33,212
This is my favourite view, looking
from the house down towards the lake.
692
00:43:33,296 --> 00:43:38,504
Just look this way, please. Lovely.
And again.
693
00:43:39,629 --> 00:43:42,712
-Oh, that's nice.
-With Patricia in such an excellent mood,
694
00:43:42,796 --> 00:43:45,671
I thought I'd ask some burning questions.
695
00:43:45,754 --> 00:43:50,796
So, Patricia, it must have been a very
different family before Alex met Des?
696
00:43:50,879 --> 00:43:53,587
Not much money around. Was it...
697
00:43:54,462 --> 00:43:59,379
I'm assuming Alex and Saskia's dad
must have separated?
698
00:43:59,462 --> 00:44:04,004
(scoffs) Probably about 20 minutes
after conception.
699
00:44:04,087 --> 00:44:08,379
Right. Might be hard to track him down
for an interview, then.
700
00:44:08,462 --> 00:44:11,171
Well, you could stand on the Eiffel Tower,
701
00:44:11,254 --> 00:44:15,837
and shout out, "Has anyone had sex
with a waitress on holiday?"
702
00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:21,004
But being in France I don't suppose many
hands would stay down, would they?
703
00:44:23,171 --> 00:44:27,421
(Raif) Then she says: (mimics Patricia)
"But being France, I doubt many hands...
704
00:44:27,504 --> 00:44:29,421
-If you could try to...
-Here we are.
705
00:44:29,504 --> 00:44:32,296
Here is the groom. And the best man.
706
00:44:32,379 --> 00:44:37,046
This is Luke from Exclusive Videos who's
going to be shooting the wedding video,
707
00:44:37,129 --> 00:44:42,046
so the pressure's off you, Raif.
You can focus on your main job now.
708
00:44:42,796 --> 00:44:44,421
Raif?
709
00:44:44,504 --> 00:44:47,129
You can focus on being best man.
710
00:44:50,837 --> 00:44:54,712
This one was shot by the third
Lord Rostherne, in Kenya I think.
711
00:44:54,796 --> 00:44:58,421
Early 1800s. Magnificent beast.
712
00:44:58,504 --> 00:45:01,921
I could let Alex have her official version
of events,
713
00:45:02,004 --> 00:45:07,171
but I decided I was gonna keep filming
as well. Under cover.
714
00:45:07,254 --> 00:45:09,879
(indistinct talk and laughter)
715
00:45:09,962 --> 00:45:13,962
Anyway, these ones were in West Africa.
Chased them for days.
716
00:45:14,087 --> 00:45:17,546
Very rare breed. Almost extinct.
Terrible trouble hunting them down.
717
00:45:17,629 --> 00:45:20,129
And round here, a special one.
Very special.
718
00:45:20,212 --> 00:45:23,337
The jewel in the crown.
719
00:45:23,421 --> 00:45:28,421
This was the one the third Lord
was most proud of.
720
00:45:28,504 --> 00:45:31,171
-You don't see many of these.
-No, I can imagine.
721
00:45:31,254 --> 00:45:35,087
Couldn't stuff the whole thing.
The rest we made into cushions.
722
00:45:35,171 --> 00:45:37,671
(Raif laughing)
723
00:45:39,879 --> 00:45:44,296
(mimicking Lady Rostherne)
Saturday afternoon, 1978, Chester Zoo.
724
00:45:44,379 --> 00:45:49,004
Very difficult shot. Children everywhere.
725
00:45:49,087 --> 00:45:53,921
Ah, now these magnificent specimens,
726
00:45:54,004 --> 00:45:57,546
for me they sum up what was really
great about this country.
727
00:45:57,629 --> 00:46:00,171
They're a constant reminder,
728
00:46:00,254 --> 00:46:05,171
that the English were never afraid to shoot
a grazing herbivore right up the arse,
729
00:46:05,254 --> 00:46:10,504
from behind a wall of Nigerians.
(laughs pompously)
730
00:46:13,462 --> 00:46:18,587
And this is my favourite.
I actually stuffed him myself.
731
00:46:18,671 --> 00:46:21,921
But it was too rainy to go hunting,
732
00:46:22,004 --> 00:46:24,712
so we bought him from a pet shop,
733
00:46:24,796 --> 00:46:27,129
took him home,
kicked him down the stairs.
734
00:46:27,212 --> 00:46:31,296
(with posh accent ) I say,
bam-bam old girl, what's through here?
735
00:46:31,379 --> 00:46:33,421
Er...
736
00:46:33,504 --> 00:46:38,171
The fourth Lord, who married
into the Marquillage family,
737
00:46:38,254 --> 00:46:42,046
and, finally, the fifth Lord.
738
00:46:42,129 --> 00:46:45,087
My late husband.
739
00:46:45,171 --> 00:46:49,796
(mimicking Lady Rostherne)
Oh, look. Here he is.
740
00:46:49,879 --> 00:46:55,421
Harold, you've lost weight.
Have they not been feeding you?
741
00:46:55,504 --> 00:46:57,712
Sas, grab the camera.
742
00:46:59,046 --> 00:47:03,296
He was wonderful. Very kind.
Very sensitive.
743
00:47:03,379 --> 00:47:05,712
Very Christian man.
744
00:47:05,796 --> 00:47:10,254
I still feel his presence everywhere
in this house.
745
00:47:10,962 --> 00:47:13,504
(mimicking Lord Rostherne)
Hello. Lord Rostherne here.
746
00:47:13,587 --> 00:47:17,754
Just reliving some of my favourite
moments from out on safari.
747
00:47:17,837 --> 00:47:21,921
Out on the savannah, some chap told me
you can't call yourself a real hunter,
748
00:47:22,004 --> 00:47:25,004
till you've popped the old chap
in a tiger's mouth.
749
00:47:25,087 --> 00:47:28,837
I said, "Sir, if you'd met Lady Rostherne
you'd know--
750
00:47:28,921 --> 00:47:32,129
-This is my bedroom.
-That's a blessed relief.
751
00:47:35,796 --> 00:47:38,421
Oh, my God.
752
00:47:44,379 --> 00:47:47,004
Hi, this is Saskia.
753
00:47:47,087 --> 00:47:51,337
I am reporting on a camera
which has just been confiscated,
754
00:47:51,421 --> 00:47:55,296
by my mother from Raif,
755
00:47:55,379 --> 00:47:59,629
who is currently in there getting
a major bollocking--
756
00:47:59,712 --> 00:48:03,129
What's he done? What did he do?
757
00:48:03,212 --> 00:48:06,421
No, it's fine. We were just,
758
00:48:06,504 --> 00:48:11,462
-We were in the private rooms and--
-"We"?
759
00:48:14,504 --> 00:48:16,879
Why are you treating this like
it's a laugh?
760
00:48:16,962 --> 00:48:20,421
This is a wedding, Saskia.
This is not a laugh, this is a wedding.
761
00:48:20,504 --> 00:48:26,004
It's getting closer and you treating it
like it's some fucking party,
762
00:48:26,087 --> 00:48:28,921
is not gonna help us get through this!
763
00:48:37,337 --> 00:48:38,962
(birds chirping)
764
00:48:39,046 --> 00:48:41,337
(Saskia chuckles)
765
00:48:41,421 --> 00:48:43,712
It's still here.
766
00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:47,754
This is a site of immense historical
importance.
767
00:48:47,837 --> 00:48:52,754
Anyone who bunked off Roton High
ended up down here drinking beer.
768
00:48:52,837 --> 00:48:57,171
And this is where Raif is going to
meet me if he wants his camera back.
769
00:48:59,254 --> 00:49:01,587
(mimicking lady Rostherne)
Good day, Lord Rostherne!
770
00:49:01,671 --> 00:49:05,754
(mimicking Lord Rostherne)
My good Lady Rostherne, how are you?
771
00:49:07,296 --> 00:49:10,421
-Old Glory!
-Oh, my God.
772
00:49:10,504 --> 00:49:12,504
-57 pence.
-Old Glory.
773
00:49:12,587 --> 00:49:15,587
-Yes.
-They still make it.
774
00:49:15,671 --> 00:49:21,587
I hope so. This may be from the batch he
still had the last time I went in there.
775
00:49:21,671 --> 00:49:24,921
I think mine's got hairs floating in it.
I can't drink this.
776
00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:27,796
I've got a wedding dress fitting
this afternoon.
777
00:49:27,879 --> 00:49:30,629
-Definitely don't drink that.
-I'm supposed to be drinking wheat grass.
778
00:49:30,712 --> 00:49:34,462
-Enjoy that.
-Let me have a taste, one taste.
779
00:49:36,712 --> 00:49:39,129
-And it's just as...
-Wow.
780
00:49:39,212 --> 00:49:43,504
-Revolting as I remember.
-That will put hairs on your hairs.
781
00:49:43,587 --> 00:49:47,171
(music)
782
00:49:47,254 --> 00:49:51,879
-How did you end up in Lucerne?
-It was gran's idea.
783
00:49:51,962 --> 00:49:55,921
European college to help prepare
for society.
784
00:49:56,004 --> 00:49:57,879
Like university?
785
00:49:57,962 --> 00:50:02,671
Er, one of the lessons was how to listen
to a conversation.
786
00:50:02,754 --> 00:50:04,504
You're kidding.
787
00:50:04,587 --> 00:50:06,837
-How long did you last?
-6 days.
788
00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:08,587
-Wow.
-Got chucked out drawing
789
00:50:08,671 --> 00:50:11,296
'How to get out of a sports car without
flashing your knickers'.
790
00:50:11,379 --> 00:50:14,171
I wasn't wearing any. I was.
(laughing)
791
00:50:14,254 --> 00:50:17,754
-Things went downhill from there.
-How?
792
00:50:21,629 --> 00:50:27,212
-Well, basically just more and more debts.
-Go on.
793
00:50:27,296 --> 00:50:31,296
-There was a hire car driven into a lake.
-Wow.
794
00:50:31,379 --> 00:50:35,504
There was an affair with the bloke who
took the stitches out. He was lovely.
795
00:50:35,587 --> 00:50:38,379
Then I had a fight with his wife.
(Raif laughing)
796
00:50:38,462 --> 00:50:42,171
I got in with this biker gang. I mean,
797
00:50:42,254 --> 00:50:45,129
it was incredible
and just the loveliest guys.
798
00:50:45,212 --> 00:50:48,171
Um, but...
799
00:50:48,254 --> 00:50:51,796
turned out they were basically using
me as a drugs mule.
800
00:50:51,879 --> 00:50:53,129
(Raif laughing)
801
00:50:53,212 --> 00:50:58,254
I realised I had spiked my own drink.
802
00:50:58,337 --> 00:51:03,712
The bloke that had his tooth removed,
he's suing me because he's a flautist.
803
00:51:03,796 --> 00:51:05,962
(Raif laughing hysterically)
804
00:51:06,046 --> 00:51:10,962
She set my ponytail on fire. And the rest
of the bar. It was awful.
805
00:51:11,046 --> 00:51:14,087
I had to leave Italy after that.
(Raif laughing)
806
00:51:14,171 --> 00:51:17,212
My mum and Des had to fly out
while I'm in hospital,
807
00:51:17,296 --> 00:51:21,629
waiting till I'm fit enough to stand bail.
Oh, my God.
808
00:51:23,921 --> 00:51:28,087
And that's when Saskia Dutton
became Saskia Critchley.
809
00:51:31,921 --> 00:51:35,921
Right. Come on, come with me.
810
00:51:37,629 --> 00:51:41,212
Where are we going? Raif.
811
00:51:41,921 --> 00:51:46,379
This is the summerhouse. Mum and dad
bought it when we were small.
812
00:51:46,462 --> 00:51:48,129
Oh, look.
813
00:51:48,212 --> 00:51:50,421
You can imagine coming here
when you were a kid.
814
00:51:50,504 --> 00:51:54,837
'Swallows And Amazons' and
'The Famous Five' all rolled into one.
815
00:51:55,921 --> 00:51:59,046
So peaceful.
(fog horn) What the...?
816
00:51:59,129 --> 00:52:01,671
The River Dee was a vital
watercourse--
817
00:52:01,754 --> 00:52:04,962
-Oh, that's new.
-It rises in the hills in Llanuwchllyn--
818
00:52:05,046 --> 00:52:07,504
(Saskia) Oh, bloody hell.
819
00:52:08,671 --> 00:52:10,421
Cheap lock.
820
00:52:16,004 --> 00:52:17,796
Wow.
821
00:52:18,879 --> 00:52:21,296
(Raif chuckles) This is...
822
00:52:24,879 --> 00:52:27,212
Look at this.
823
00:52:33,504 --> 00:52:35,546
(chuckling)
824
00:52:35,629 --> 00:52:39,712
They always said they'd see the world,
mum and dad.
825
00:52:40,379 --> 00:52:45,837
So when they died, me and Tim decided
we'd do the trip for them.
826
00:52:45,921 --> 00:52:47,629
Sold the house.
827
00:52:49,046 --> 00:52:54,087
Bought the tickets.
Head to Patagonia where they were.
828
00:52:54,962 --> 00:52:56,712
Are.
829
00:53:00,212 --> 00:53:02,129
I made it but...
830
00:53:02,212 --> 00:53:04,046
Tim didn't.
831
00:53:04,587 --> 00:53:06,796
Because he met you.
832
00:53:07,754 --> 00:53:10,046
No, not like that. No.
833
00:53:10,129 --> 00:53:13,171
No, I...
He should have stayed.
834
00:53:13,254 --> 00:53:15,212
Well...
835
00:53:19,546 --> 00:53:22,004
They'd have really liked you.
836
00:53:23,962 --> 00:53:25,921
Thank you.
837
00:53:34,879 --> 00:53:36,712
See if you can hit that stick.
838
00:53:40,671 --> 00:53:42,171
-Rubbish.
-Shit.
839
00:53:43,379 --> 00:53:45,962
This is THE tree.
840
00:53:46,379 --> 00:53:49,504
Tim could never climb it but yours truly
is basically Spider-Man.
841
00:53:49,587 --> 00:53:51,796
-Wow. Go on, then. Go on.
-Uh?
842
00:53:51,879 --> 00:53:53,671
Go on.
843
00:53:57,296 --> 00:53:59,129
Thank you. That's nice.
844
00:53:59,212 --> 00:54:00,671
-Um...
-You all right?
845
00:54:00,754 --> 00:54:02,379
Not really.
846
00:54:04,629 --> 00:54:07,296
-Little help?
-Yeah. Okay.
847
00:54:08,837 --> 00:54:11,087
-Fuck.
-Oh, my God. (giggling)
848
00:54:11,171 --> 00:54:16,296
I wanted them to be like footprints
of all my travels. So,
849
00:54:16,379 --> 00:54:20,462
I got that in Tijuana, cool snake.
850
00:54:20,546 --> 00:54:24,837
They say never fall in love with a stripper
but that's California.
851
00:54:24,921 --> 00:54:26,962
Hello, Jeanie.
852
00:54:27,046 --> 00:54:31,129
Monkeys fighting robots. That's, well,
Tokyo, obviously.
853
00:54:31,212 --> 00:54:34,421
And then up here on my chest I got this
Maori guy to design,
854
00:54:34,504 --> 00:54:38,504
it was beautiful, my mum and dad's
birth signs.
855
00:54:38,587 --> 00:54:41,754
-Oh!
-Yeah. Except it went septic so,
856
00:54:41,837 --> 00:54:45,754
I went to Dagenham and this bloke
covered it with a massive fucking dragon.
857
00:54:45,837 --> 00:54:50,337
-Oh, my God.
-Sweet, right. (Fog horn)
858
00:54:50,421 --> 00:54:53,337
The River Dee was a vital watercourse
for the Romans.
859
00:54:53,421 --> 00:54:56,962
Um, yeah. Turn that off.
860
00:54:57,087 --> 00:54:59,837
Seriously. Turn that off.
861
00:55:02,254 --> 00:55:06,129
And on your left you'll see the native
tribes people of this area.
862
00:55:06,212 --> 00:55:09,379
(people screaming, Raif grunting)
863
00:55:19,587 --> 00:55:21,921
(Saskia laughing)
864
00:55:22,796 --> 00:55:24,379
Rog.
865
00:55:24,462 --> 00:55:27,837
Gina Palladia, Foregate Street.
866
00:55:27,921 --> 00:55:30,254
We're gonna do a special shot.
(Saskia chuckles)
867
00:55:30,337 --> 00:55:32,462
Bring your guitar.
868
00:55:32,546 --> 00:55:36,171
Okay, cue music, Rog.
869
00:55:36,254 --> 00:55:39,796
And here comes the bride!
870
00:55:41,421 --> 00:55:43,379
-(Raif mimicking a trumpet)
-Cock.
871
00:55:43,462 --> 00:55:46,296
-What?
-That's what the models say. Pout, cock.
872
00:55:46,379 --> 00:55:49,504
-Pout. Cock. Cock.
-Cock? (chuckling)
873
00:55:49,587 --> 00:55:54,962
Right. Give me tigress.
(Saskia snarls, Raif laughs)
874
00:55:55,712 --> 00:56:00,962
Ninja.
(mimicking fighting sounds)
875
00:56:01,046 --> 00:56:06,712
Er, okay, dance for me.
My flamenco beauty! You must dance!
876
00:56:06,837 --> 00:56:09,879
(Saskia squeals, Raif laughs)
877
00:56:09,962 --> 00:56:13,379
(Raif continues laughing)
878
00:56:21,504 --> 00:56:24,546
Sas?
(sobs)
879
00:56:24,671 --> 00:56:26,962
Saskia?
880
00:56:28,629 --> 00:56:30,421
Saskia?
881
00:56:30,504 --> 00:56:32,754
Sas...
882
00:56:34,504 --> 00:56:37,504
(Roger) Raif! Raif!
883
00:56:37,587 --> 00:56:39,879
Sas! Saskia!
884
00:56:39,962 --> 00:56:43,254
(Roger) Raif! What do I do?
Do you want me to keep filming?
885
00:56:43,337 --> 00:56:46,504
(Raif) Sorry, mate, sorry.
There you go. Sas!
886
00:56:46,587 --> 00:56:49,379
-Raif!
-Please come back, Saskia!
887
00:56:49,462 --> 00:56:53,296
-Saskia!
-(Roger) Well, what do I do?
888
00:56:54,587 --> 00:56:56,712
Raif.
889
00:56:56,796 --> 00:56:58,629
Bingo.
890
00:57:05,462 --> 00:57:09,296
Can I say the thing that anybody would say
to a woman 2 days before her wedding--
891
00:57:09,379 --> 00:57:11,796
I'm not nervous.
892
00:57:11,879 --> 00:57:13,421
All right.
893
00:57:13,504 --> 00:57:19,004
Well, Doctor Raif's in session.
Taking patients. Ding.
894
00:57:20,254 --> 00:57:22,337
Come on.
895
00:57:22,421 --> 00:57:24,671
I'm very compassionate.
896
00:57:24,754 --> 00:57:29,046
Compassion's nature's way of helping
ugly men find partners, so...
897
00:57:35,671 --> 00:57:39,087
I'm unhappy. Okay?
898
00:57:40,129 --> 00:57:42,921
And it's dark.
899
00:57:43,004 --> 00:57:46,379
Like imagine the darkest colour
you can imagine.
900
00:57:46,462 --> 00:57:49,837
Like black but even darker.
901
00:57:49,921 --> 00:57:56,129
Well, it's like this sticky,
dark oil has been...
902
00:57:56,212 --> 00:57:59,046
poured into my heart and it hurts.
903
00:57:59,129 --> 00:58:05,296
And it's just this big black,
smoker's lung of...
904
00:58:05,379 --> 00:58:09,004
unhappiness just dripping with...
905
00:58:09,087 --> 00:58:11,004
blackness.
906
00:58:13,087 --> 00:58:14,671
Fuck.
907
00:58:14,754 --> 00:58:16,837
(sobs)
908
00:58:24,087 --> 00:58:29,046
Year 11. You bunked off halfway through
cross country. Got on a bus,
909
00:58:29,129 --> 00:58:33,004
just so you could see the Chemical
Brothers check out of a hotel.
910
00:58:33,087 --> 00:58:36,629
April that same year,
the week Kurt Cobain died,
911
00:58:36,712 --> 00:58:39,254
you asked if you could read
in assembly,
912
00:58:39,337 --> 00:58:42,712
but you didn't read from the Bible,
you read out Nirvana,
913
00:58:42,796 --> 00:58:46,712
even when they tried
to drag you away.
914
00:58:46,796 --> 00:58:52,129
Sports Day, you pierced your ear
and it bled and you cried for an hour,
915
00:58:53,212 --> 00:58:55,212
and the little kid in the year below you,
916
00:58:55,296 --> 00:58:59,296
bought you some ice cubes
and you smiled at him.
917
00:58:59,379 --> 00:59:01,754
And that smile stopped his heart.
918
00:59:03,337 --> 00:59:06,129
And I'll never forget that smile.
919
00:59:06,712 --> 00:59:09,421
-Oh...
-So any time you feel less than fantastic,
920
00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:13,962
you remember, you're Saskia Dutton,
Saskia Dutton.
921
00:59:40,712 --> 00:59:42,921
Sorry.
922
00:59:45,921 --> 00:59:47,587
(Roger) Whoa.
923
00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:52,837
(Roger) Okay.
924
00:59:53,587 --> 00:59:55,796
They didn't?
925
00:59:57,254 --> 01:00:00,462
Oh, they didn't.
Please tell me they didn't.
926
01:00:02,921 --> 01:00:05,546
So has someone seen them?
927
01:00:06,171 --> 01:00:08,629
Someone definitely knows?
928
01:00:09,921 --> 01:00:11,921
Oh, great.
929
01:00:12,837 --> 01:00:14,712
(Raif) Something wrong?
930
01:00:15,796 --> 01:00:21,671
The Koreans who were going to do foot
massage in the toilets just got deported.
931
01:00:24,921 --> 01:00:27,254
(Roger) Hey, Raif.
932
01:00:27,337 --> 01:00:31,046
What are you gonna do about this?
Hmm?
933
01:00:31,129 --> 01:00:33,921
-Please tell me you're gonna tell him.
-Turn the camera off.
934
01:00:34,004 --> 01:00:37,421
-No chance. This scene is far too--
-Give me the camera.
935
01:00:37,546 --> 01:00:43,129
Hey. Old Cheshire Glory.
It's his favourite. Took me ages to find it.
936
01:00:43,212 --> 01:00:46,046
Apparently they've stopped making it.
It killed too many tramps.
937
01:00:46,129 --> 01:00:50,129
-Raif's got something to say.
-No, no. Listen, that should be me.
938
01:00:50,212 --> 01:00:53,337
Look, I just want to say...
No, no, no I'm sorry,
939
01:00:53,421 --> 01:00:56,879
for being arsey and stroppy, you know,
with everyone.
940
01:00:56,962 --> 01:01:00,587
It's just the wedding and the whole...
(groans)
941
01:01:00,671 --> 01:01:04,296
I took myself to one side and I gave
myself a very stern talking to,
942
01:01:04,379 --> 01:01:08,754
and you know what?
Everything's fine.
943
01:01:08,837 --> 01:01:11,879
You know, I'm fine, the wedding's all fine,
944
01:01:11,962 --> 01:01:17,546
because I know,
I'm doing the right thing. Aren't I?
945
01:01:17,629 --> 01:01:20,212
And Saskia's all right.
I mean, you'd know.
946
01:01:20,296 --> 01:01:23,379
-He's a much better judge of women.
-Saskia isn't...
947
01:01:23,462 --> 01:01:27,546
Leicester. You asked me what town
she was and I said 'Leicester'.
948
01:01:27,629 --> 01:01:30,962
(Tim snorts, Raif chuckles)
949
01:01:31,046 --> 01:01:33,754
She's not Leicester. She's...
950
01:01:33,837 --> 01:01:37,962
Rio and Mardi Gras
and Amsterdam and...
951
01:01:38,046 --> 01:01:42,212
-Barcelona in the rain.
-I've never been to any of those places.
952
01:01:42,296 --> 01:01:45,921
You don't have to now,
you're marrying Saskia Dutton.
953
01:01:46,004 --> 01:01:48,962
The world comes to you.
954
01:01:49,046 --> 01:01:51,254
Hey.
955
01:01:51,337 --> 01:01:56,796
The Moyle brothers.
All for one and one for all.
956
01:01:56,879 --> 01:01:59,629
(guitar music)
957
01:02:08,921 --> 01:02:12,962
♪ Your woman
Is your angel
958
01:02:13,046 --> 01:02:17,296
♪ Is your left side
Your whole life
959
01:02:17,379 --> 01:02:24,337
♪ And easily the most beautiful thing
in your world
960
01:02:25,712 --> 01:02:30,004
♪ She'll soothe you
Accuse you
961
01:02:30,087 --> 01:02:34,254
♪ Confuse you
She'll lose you
962
01:02:34,337 --> 01:02:40,712
♪ But always be the best friend
you have in the world
963
01:02:43,129 --> 01:02:47,296
♪ Time and space
964
01:02:47,379 --> 01:02:51,171
♪ Things in their place
965
01:02:51,254 --> 01:02:55,337
♪ I know it's more than a feeling
966
01:02:55,421 --> 01:03:02,171
♪ Cos my love it has no ceiling for you ♪
967
01:03:02,921 --> 01:03:05,671
-(Saskia) Raif?
-Hey.
968
01:03:05,754 --> 01:03:09,171
Oh. Hi, hey. Um...
969
01:03:10,754 --> 01:03:12,879
I just wanted to say
everything's fine.
970
01:03:12,962 --> 01:03:14,962
Oh. (chuckles)
971
01:03:15,046 --> 01:03:19,504
It's funny, I was just thinking
how fine everything was. So...
972
01:03:19,587 --> 01:03:22,421
Good. Um, well...
973
01:03:22,504 --> 01:03:27,254
that's what I came to--
-Say. And what I was just thinking.
974
01:03:27,337 --> 01:03:29,421
Um, good.
975
01:03:31,087 --> 01:03:33,671
Obviously a bit...
976
01:03:33,754 --> 01:03:36,379
weird but um...
977
01:03:36,462 --> 01:03:38,837
-it happens.
-Oh, all the time.
978
01:03:38,921 --> 01:03:42,921
-Happened to me once on a ferry which...
-What?
979
01:03:43,004 --> 01:03:47,254
-What are you...?
-I don't know.
980
01:03:49,462 --> 01:03:54,796
-What were you saying?
-How, in the kebab shop when I...
981
01:03:54,879 --> 01:03:59,296
-Yeah. No, done. Erased. Don't worry.
-No, um...
982
01:03:59,421 --> 01:04:06,421
No, I mean that there obviously
there are things to um...
983
01:04:06,504 --> 01:04:13,837
to address um...
984
01:04:13,921 --> 01:04:16,587
-for me and Tim, not...
-Oh. No, look...
985
01:04:16,671 --> 01:04:19,337
-and this is not the time.
-just get this wedding out of the way.
986
01:04:19,421 --> 01:04:23,712
And then sort out the marriage after.
I mean, you don't have to sort it out.
987
01:04:23,796 --> 01:04:27,504
-No, no, er, yeah...it's okay.
-You've got 2 days till the wedding.
988
01:04:27,587 --> 01:04:33,004
-You've seen the schedule, so...
-Oh God, bloody Jenna. She's...
989
01:04:33,087 --> 01:04:35,712
(sighs)
990
01:04:35,796 --> 01:04:38,879
Cool. So...
991
01:04:38,962 --> 01:04:44,421
I guess I will see you then. So...
992
01:04:46,796 --> 01:04:48,879
As long as you're fine.
993
01:04:48,962 --> 01:04:53,629
-Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
-Right.
994
01:05:02,629 --> 01:05:05,546
-You all right?
-Yeah.
995
01:05:06,796 --> 01:05:10,462
So you...organised anything?
996
01:05:11,546 --> 01:05:14,379
Well, I just thought you'd prefer,
you know...
997
01:05:15,921 --> 01:05:19,212
Well, it's just as well I booked
a stripper.
998
01:05:19,796 --> 01:05:22,462
-What?
-What?
999
01:05:22,546 --> 01:05:26,254
We went through this. I said Tim's not
gonna want that sort of thing.
1000
01:05:26,337 --> 01:05:27,796
Come on, mate--
1001
01:05:27,879 --> 01:05:29,754
Tim Moyle?
1002
01:05:29,837 --> 01:05:32,587
You've been a very naughty boy.
1003
01:05:32,671 --> 01:05:36,962
-For fuck's sake.
-It's fine, Raif, calm down.
1004
01:05:38,254 --> 01:05:42,296
You've been a very naughty boy.
1005
01:05:42,379 --> 01:05:46,087
And you know how we punish--
(mobile phone rings)
1006
01:05:48,337 --> 01:05:50,837
Sorry, I've gotta take this.
1007
01:05:51,837 --> 01:05:54,587
Dave, just wait till I get home.
1008
01:05:55,629 --> 01:05:57,296
Sorry.
1009
01:05:58,921 --> 01:06:02,754
Oh, you naughty boy.
1010
01:06:02,837 --> 01:06:07,837
I'm gonna have to take you into custody--
(mobile phone rings)
1011
01:06:09,879 --> 01:06:11,754
Sorry.
1012
01:06:14,212 --> 01:06:17,254
Dave, I said just wait till I get home.
1013
01:06:17,337 --> 01:06:22,379
(scoffs)
Why is my job suddenly a problem?
1014
01:06:23,004 --> 01:06:24,796
(scoffs)
1015
01:06:24,879 --> 01:06:27,504
You know why I'm doing it.
1016
01:06:27,587 --> 01:06:31,546
You know! Don't you think I feel dirty?
1017
01:06:31,629 --> 01:06:35,587
-Don't you think I feel used?
-Thanks for this, Rog.
1018
01:06:35,671 --> 01:06:39,921
(playfully snarling)
Come on. It's my fault he's like this.
1019
01:06:40,004 --> 01:06:44,129
Mate, I'm fine. Completely fine,
don't worry. Drink!
1020
01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:45,379
Hey.
1021
01:06:45,462 --> 01:06:49,629
Here we go. Internet.
Ultimate stag night challenge list.
1022
01:06:49,712 --> 01:06:52,546
-No, no. Give it here.
-Yes.
1023
01:06:52,629 --> 01:06:55,962
Rog! We're not doing some dopey bunch
of challenge--
1024
01:06:56,046 --> 01:06:59,629
Number 1: 3 shots in 3 seconds.
1025
01:06:59,712 --> 01:07:01,004
Go.
1026
01:07:07,337 --> 01:07:10,712
Number 2: join another stag party.
1027
01:07:10,796 --> 01:07:15,171
That's interesting.
We thought of using those caterers.
1028
01:07:15,254 --> 01:07:18,087
3 and 4, combined.
(cheers)
1029
01:07:21,129 --> 01:07:23,254
Okay, skip that one. What's next?
1030
01:07:23,337 --> 01:07:27,421
Oi, you! You been chatting up my bird?
1031
01:07:27,504 --> 01:07:30,712
Number 6: kiss a policewoman.
1032
01:07:33,212 --> 01:07:36,087
7: join a hen night.
1033
01:07:36,171 --> 01:07:37,837
-(Tim yells)
-Ooo.
1034
01:07:37,921 --> 01:07:40,421
(Tim) Don't do that!
1035
01:07:40,504 --> 01:07:43,629
No, sorry, ladies. Yeah.
(screaming)
1036
01:07:43,712 --> 01:07:45,212
I didn't like that.
1037
01:07:45,296 --> 01:07:46,796
Number 9:
1038
01:07:51,379 --> 01:07:54,421
(door bell rings)
1039
01:07:58,962 --> 01:08:00,962
-No.
-It's a big candle.
1040
01:08:01,046 --> 01:08:03,212
No, this is wrong.
1041
01:08:03,296 --> 01:08:05,379
-You again?
-We're collecting for charity.
1042
01:08:05,462 --> 01:08:09,879
I've already told you to bugger off once
today. Yeah, you keep running.
1043
01:08:09,962 --> 01:08:13,504
And who the fuck are you? Go on,
bugger off, the lot of you.
1044
01:08:13,587 --> 01:08:15,671
(chuckles, clears throat)
1045
01:08:18,046 --> 01:08:22,212
(classical music)
1046
01:08:29,587 --> 01:08:31,962
So it's the big day.
Are you feeling nervous?
1047
01:08:32,046 --> 01:08:35,921
Er, well, yes, of course I'm nervous.
Morning of the wedding. (scoffs)
1048
01:08:36,004 --> 01:08:39,879
But the skill of the planner
is to remain a pool of calm.
1049
01:08:39,962 --> 01:08:43,296
-And how do you manage that?
-Can't remember what they're called,
1050
01:08:43,379 --> 01:08:46,462
but it's fine as long as you don't mix them
with alcohol.
1051
01:08:46,546 --> 01:08:48,379
(camera man)
Mrs Critchley, how are you feeling?
1052
01:08:48,462 --> 01:08:53,462
Well, this is the big day. The day we've
all been building up towards.
1053
01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:56,129
And we're suitably nervous.
1054
01:08:56,212 --> 01:08:59,212
Champagne at the ready.
Excuse the curlers.
1055
01:08:59,296 --> 01:09:03,171
Fridges for ice sculptures on your left.
Chocolate sculptures on your right.
1056
01:09:03,254 --> 01:09:04,546
Not now. Thank you.
1057
01:09:04,629 --> 01:09:08,087
-(Alex) Italian princess kind of look.
-Lovely, loose flowing curls.
1058
01:09:08,171 --> 01:09:11,087
-Where the hell are my falcons?
-Round the table.
1059
01:09:11,171 --> 01:09:12,629
-Good.
-Thank you.
1060
01:09:12,712 --> 01:09:16,296
Can you get my hat from the
bathroom and my bag, please?
1061
01:09:16,379 --> 01:09:20,212
Thank you very much. Hat. Thanks.
Absolute frenzy.
1062
01:09:20,296 --> 01:09:22,504
Wonder if it's anything
like this at Tim's house?
1063
01:09:22,587 --> 01:09:25,962
(birds chirping, snoring)
1064
01:09:26,046 --> 01:09:30,796
(Roger) Oh, good God.
Tim? Tim, wake up.
1065
01:09:31,296 --> 01:09:34,129
It's morning, it's 10 o'clock.
1066
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:38,462
Oh my God. (coughing)
Oh my God. Oh, my...
1067
01:09:38,546 --> 01:09:40,962
Raif, it's 10 o'clock. Raif...
1068
01:09:41,046 --> 01:09:44,754
What the fuck am I wearing?
(Roger laughs)
1069
01:09:44,837 --> 01:09:47,296
Raif? Raif?
1070
01:09:48,004 --> 01:09:52,504
Raif, it's my wedding day!
Gotta get up, help me out of this.
1071
01:09:52,587 --> 01:09:55,462
-Help me, Raif.
-No, stay still, stay still.
1072
01:09:55,546 --> 01:09:58,004
-Help me out. There's a zip.
-All right, all right.
1073
01:09:58,087 --> 01:10:00,129
I can't go to the wedding dressed
like a cock.
1074
01:10:01,004 --> 01:10:04,379
Oh, goodness me.
I'm getting nervous now.
1075
01:10:10,337 --> 01:10:12,837
(Roger) Raif, don't finish that.
1076
01:10:14,087 --> 01:10:15,462
Sorry.
1077
01:10:16,462 --> 01:10:18,712
Put this on. Put this on.
1078
01:10:18,796 --> 01:10:21,171
50 minutes. 50 minutes till I get married.
1079
01:10:21,254 --> 01:10:24,546
Phone. Shoes!
50 minutes till I get married.
1080
01:10:26,921 --> 01:10:30,754
It's got to feel rock solid.
No, it needs to be further forward.
1081
01:10:30,837 --> 01:10:34,296
Okay, is the best man's speech
written down? I need to see it.
1082
01:10:34,379 --> 01:10:36,921
Not to interfere but just
to check the language.
1083
01:10:37,004 --> 01:10:39,212
Alex says no jokes about Europeans,
1084
01:10:39,296 --> 01:10:42,546
because the Belgian Ambassador's
gonna be there. And also--
1085
01:10:42,629 --> 01:10:46,129
Okay, out we get. As the guests
approach you smile.
1086
01:10:46,212 --> 01:10:48,337
And then you strew flowers. Okay?
1087
01:10:48,421 --> 01:10:52,212
It's important you remember the names
of the ushers. Toby, Fraser and Uri.
1088
01:10:52,296 --> 01:10:57,087
He's the Ambassador's son. It's their job
to marshal everyone for the photograph,
1089
01:10:57,171 --> 01:10:59,754
because the photographer says...(beeps)
Sorry, what's happening?
1090
01:10:59,837 --> 01:11:02,796
Has a tyre blown out?
Have we got a spare?
1091
01:11:02,879 --> 01:11:05,796
Where are you going?
What's that noise?
1092
01:11:05,879 --> 01:11:10,046
Oh, no, you're not gonna be sick.
Don't be sick on the suit. Okay?
1093
01:11:10,129 --> 01:11:12,754
-I have to tell you something.
-Go back in the car.
1094
01:11:12,837 --> 01:11:14,796
-I have to confess.
-About what?
1095
01:11:14,879 --> 01:11:17,379
About me and Saskia.
1096
01:11:21,296 --> 01:11:23,754
Right. 10 minutes.
1097
01:11:23,837 --> 01:11:26,796
-I'll go in the first car with your gran.
-Mum.
1098
01:11:26,879 --> 01:11:28,879
Don't.
1099
01:11:28,962 --> 01:11:32,004
-What?
-I know what you're going to say.
1100
01:11:32,462 --> 01:11:33,962
You do?
1101
01:11:34,046 --> 01:11:37,837
And, believe me, seeing you walk down
the aisle with the man you love,
1102
01:11:37,921 --> 01:11:40,546
that'll be thanks enough for me.
1103
01:11:43,046 --> 01:11:47,212
-Wish me luck.
-Good luck. Good luck.
1104
01:11:51,254 --> 01:11:54,421
-No, get off.
-You shit, you total...
1105
01:11:54,504 --> 01:11:56,837
What are you doing?
1106
01:11:59,546 --> 01:12:03,504
-Come on, get them apart.
-All right.
1107
01:12:03,587 --> 01:12:05,462
Just calm down, yeah.
1108
01:12:05,546 --> 01:12:08,296
(music)
1109
01:12:08,379 --> 01:12:12,046
(man) Limo one is code green.
Limo one code green.
1110
01:12:12,129 --> 01:12:17,212
Champagne to zone 4.
Cue aerial display. Go, go, go, go!
1111
01:12:18,712 --> 01:12:21,379
Oh, look, mother.
1112
01:12:28,004 --> 01:12:31,379
She kissed you?
1113
01:12:34,629 --> 01:12:36,379
Why?
1114
01:12:36,462 --> 01:12:40,837
-We were in the kebab shop and--
-She kissed you in a kebab shop?
1115
01:12:42,004 --> 01:12:45,546
It's because she's unhappy, Tim.
That's why.
1116
01:12:46,296 --> 01:12:48,254
You know...
1117
01:12:51,962 --> 01:12:54,754
And I don't think you're very happy either.
1118
01:12:55,462 --> 01:12:58,296
-And I think you should admit that.
-I'm fine. I told you.
1119
01:12:58,379 --> 01:13:01,087
Fine's not good enough, though.
1120
01:13:02,462 --> 01:13:06,296
Before I went travelling, you were more
than fine. You were...
1121
01:13:06,379 --> 01:13:09,921
And I come back and...
1122
01:13:11,962 --> 01:13:18,087
Whatever it is that makes you happy,
I'm in. But this wedding isn't it.
1123
01:13:19,337 --> 01:13:22,337
It happened because Saskia
isn't happy either,
1124
01:13:22,421 --> 01:13:25,796
-and yet you're both gonna turn up--
-It's too late.
1125
01:13:25,879 --> 01:13:28,004
-It's not too late.
-I can't talk to her at the church--
1126
01:13:28,087 --> 01:13:31,296
-Go to the hotel, then.
-The bells are gonna start in 12 minutes.
1127
01:13:31,379 --> 01:13:36,296
-She'll have left the hotel.
-She's a bride. She'll be late.
1128
01:13:38,504 --> 01:13:41,879
Right, okay. It's Saturday morning,
we've gotta get across town.
1129
01:13:41,962 --> 01:13:44,379
-Get back in the car.
-Have you got the keys, keys, keys?
1130
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:47,087
We don't need the keys.
Yes, keys, get the keys.
1131
01:13:47,171 --> 01:13:49,337
And I said:
1132
01:13:49,421 --> 01:13:52,296
"I'm practically wearing a dress
anyway,
1133
01:13:52,379 --> 01:13:56,087
I can stand in for the bride,
but not the groom". (chuckling)
1134
01:13:58,171 --> 01:14:01,962
Sorry, are you saying that the groom
hasn't arrived either?
1135
01:14:02,046 --> 01:14:03,837
(continues chuckling)
1136
01:14:03,921 --> 01:14:05,712
(music)
1137
01:14:05,796 --> 01:14:07,879
-Are you sure it was here?
-It must.
1138
01:14:07,962 --> 01:14:10,379
They wouldn't have fallen out
anywhere else.
1139
01:14:10,462 --> 01:14:13,421
-Got them!
-Oh, yes, well done!
1140
01:14:13,504 --> 01:14:17,671
(screeching tires)
1141
01:14:20,796 --> 01:14:23,171
Rog, get in the car!
Get in the car!
1142
01:14:23,254 --> 01:14:24,462
All right, all right.
1143
01:14:24,546 --> 01:14:27,837
(music)
1144
01:14:28,921 --> 01:14:30,004
(car horn)
1145
01:14:30,087 --> 01:14:34,212
I don't believe this. You can't park there
on a Saturday, mate!
1146
01:14:34,296 --> 01:14:36,837
We've gotta go. Gotta see her.
1147
01:14:36,921 --> 01:14:39,754
-Congratulations. Well done!
-Oh, piss off.
1148
01:14:40,587 --> 01:14:42,421
-(man) Hey!
-And you.
1149
01:14:42,504 --> 01:14:43,754
Come on!
1150
01:14:46,921 --> 01:14:49,004
Beautiful.
1151
01:14:52,546 --> 01:14:54,212
Okay.
1152
01:14:54,296 --> 01:14:57,587
(music)
1153
01:15:02,504 --> 01:15:04,462
(Tim) Come on, nearly there.
1154
01:15:05,587 --> 01:15:08,296
Wait till you see the dress.
She looks absolutely--
1155
01:15:08,379 --> 01:15:10,962
-What room is she in?
-She's gone.
1156
01:15:11,046 --> 01:15:14,379
She's gone. She's...She's gone!
1157
01:15:14,462 --> 01:15:18,629
(music)
1158
01:15:19,629 --> 01:15:21,712
(man) We need to put the ice sculptures
out now.
1159
01:15:21,796 --> 01:15:24,587
No, no, no, no. Let me tell you, Georgio.
1160
01:15:24,671 --> 01:15:28,504
Currently I have an ice flamingo.
In 2 hours it'll be a goose.
1161
01:15:28,587 --> 01:15:32,171
In 3 hours a duck. In 4 hours I will be
serving my guests vodka
1162
01:15:32,254 --> 01:15:34,087
-in a fucking ice puffin.
-Okay, okay.
1163
01:15:34,171 --> 01:15:35,629
Thank you.
1164
01:15:38,254 --> 01:15:40,046
Oh, shit.
1165
01:15:40,129 --> 01:15:43,379
(music)
1166
01:15:46,921 --> 01:15:48,379
-Right here.
-No, it's left.
1167
01:15:48,462 --> 01:15:52,004
Right. They won't go on the motorway,
it'll be on the Old Chester Road.
1168
01:15:52,087 --> 01:15:56,629
Not clear. Repeat, not clear.
The Ambassador's not clear for zone 5.
1169
01:15:56,712 --> 01:15:58,254
The dog won't go in because
of the falcons.
1170
01:15:58,337 --> 01:16:00,671
Oh, dogs are in. The dogs are in,
1171
01:16:00,754 --> 01:16:04,671
the dogs have cleared the plane. Oh.
1172
01:16:04,754 --> 01:16:07,504
-What plane?
-Yeah, sniffer dogs. Sniffer dogs.
1173
01:16:07,587 --> 01:16:11,837
We're clear of the sniffer dogs.
We are ready to board.
1174
01:16:11,921 --> 01:16:15,421
(music)
1175
01:16:15,504 --> 01:16:17,754
(Jenna hums)
1176
01:16:18,462 --> 01:16:21,171
-Hang on, is that a Bentley?
-Yeah, that is a Bentley.
1177
01:16:21,254 --> 01:16:24,462
-Overtake it. Overtake it!
-All right, sorry.
1178
01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:28,171
(music)
1179
01:16:28,254 --> 01:16:30,004
(car horn)
1180
01:16:38,254 --> 01:16:40,296
-Hi.
-Hi.
1181
01:16:40,379 --> 01:16:42,462
What are you doing?
1182
01:16:42,546 --> 01:16:46,921
Um, do you wanna marry me, Sas?
1183
01:16:47,004 --> 01:16:51,171
(soft instrumental music)
1184
01:16:51,921 --> 01:16:55,837
-Tim, it's our wedding day.
-Yeah, it's our wedding day.
1185
01:16:55,921 --> 01:16:58,212
It's the happiest day of our lives and,
1186
01:16:58,296 --> 01:17:02,837
we can absolutely say if we don't want it.
1187
01:17:02,921 --> 01:17:05,671
(soft instrumental music)
1188
01:17:05,754 --> 01:17:07,837
Do you want it?
1189
01:17:07,921 --> 01:17:11,046
(soft instrumental music)
1190
01:17:23,962 --> 01:17:28,546
(indistinct and low chatter
soft organ music)
1191
01:17:33,462 --> 01:17:36,254
(man) I don't know. I think so.
1192
01:17:38,837 --> 01:17:45,254
Oh, Jenna. Jenna, I need...
Jen, um...okay, okay. Er...
1193
01:17:45,337 --> 01:17:50,796
It's just I think...between you and me,
we might have a bit of an emergency.
1194
01:17:50,879 --> 01:17:57,337
No, don't say that word. Ever.
(mumbling)
1195
01:17:57,421 --> 01:17:59,004
Shh.
1196
01:17:59,087 --> 01:18:01,254
Please be seated, madam. Thank you.
1197
01:18:01,337 --> 01:18:03,879
Oxygen masks will fall.
1198
01:18:03,962 --> 01:18:05,671
Ambassador.
1199
01:18:15,629 --> 01:18:17,462
Saskia.
1200
01:18:18,504 --> 01:18:21,129
Are you okay?
1201
01:18:21,212 --> 01:18:22,837
I just think we need to talk.
1202
01:18:22,921 --> 01:18:24,837
-Are you okay?
-I'm fine.
1203
01:18:24,921 --> 01:18:26,504
When, I mean...
1204
01:18:27,171 --> 01:18:29,004
How...
1205
01:18:29,879 --> 01:18:32,837
I mean...Tim, why now?
1206
01:18:32,921 --> 01:18:35,004
I told him.
1207
01:18:41,796 --> 01:18:45,254
-What?
-What happened in the kebab shop.
1208
01:18:56,504 --> 01:18:58,129
Tim...
1209
01:18:59,171 --> 01:19:01,629
You bastard.
1210
01:19:02,379 --> 01:19:05,837
-You stupid, dumb, idiot, bastard.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1211
01:19:05,921 --> 01:19:10,754
-Oh, God. Why did you do this?
-Because it was the right thing to do.
1212
01:19:11,962 --> 01:19:16,379
If you wanna marry Tim, be my guest.
Those are your bells, your cars,
1213
01:19:16,462 --> 01:19:20,129
half a mile from here a wedding with
your names written all the way through it.
1214
01:19:21,379 --> 01:19:22,962
But you...
1215
01:19:23,046 --> 01:19:26,587
you are the most decent, wittiest,
loveliest bloke,
1216
01:19:26,671 --> 01:19:30,212
a brother could ever ask for. And you are
the girl who got me through school.
1217
01:19:30,296 --> 01:19:33,587
If I'm really honest, life probably.
1218
01:19:33,671 --> 01:19:37,212
So, it's about time that the people
in those 2 cars manned up,
1219
01:19:37,296 --> 01:19:41,421
started being really honest
with each other and bail!
1220
01:19:41,504 --> 01:19:44,004
Because, for God's sake, if you don't,
1221
01:19:44,087 --> 01:19:47,754
the light in the 2 people
that I love the most...
1222
01:19:49,504 --> 01:19:51,671
goes out.
1223
01:19:51,754 --> 01:19:53,629
Um...
1224
01:19:54,671 --> 01:19:57,754
Yeah, I may have just told you I love you,
1225
01:19:57,837 --> 01:20:00,587
and I probably should have told you
that before you were stood here,
1226
01:20:00,671 --> 01:20:03,587
in the middle of a field, on the way
to marry my brother but um...
1227
01:20:03,671 --> 01:20:09,087
if it's any consolation, I literally only
just realised that myself. So there we are.
1228
01:20:09,171 --> 01:20:11,087
I love you.
1229
01:20:11,171 --> 01:20:15,337
(soft instrumental music)
1230
01:20:19,379 --> 01:20:22,879
Does this mean I don't have
to give a speech?
1231
01:20:32,421 --> 01:20:34,962
She's not coming, is she?
1232
01:20:36,796 --> 01:20:38,796
Well, there we go.
1233
01:20:38,879 --> 01:20:41,129
I rather feared sending her
to finishing school,
1234
01:20:41,212 --> 01:20:44,254
was like painting varnish
on a diseased toenail.
1235
01:20:44,337 --> 01:20:47,046
Welcome to my world, Alex.
1236
01:20:47,129 --> 01:20:52,004
Welcome to a lifetime of publicly
apologising for your daughter.
1237
01:20:53,296 --> 01:20:57,629
I think I'll leave you to work out what
you're going to say to everyone.
1238
01:20:57,712 --> 01:21:01,879
(soft classical music)
1239
01:21:27,129 --> 01:21:28,796
(music stops)
1240
01:21:32,546 --> 01:21:36,962
There's something I have to tell you
and it's not going to be...
1241
01:21:37,046 --> 01:21:39,046
(footsteps)
1242
01:21:43,296 --> 01:21:46,004
(classical music)
1243
01:21:47,629 --> 01:21:51,671
Please remain in your seats until
the 'seat belt' signs are off, please.
1244
01:21:51,754 --> 01:21:53,379
Thank you.
1245
01:21:59,712 --> 01:22:01,712
Dearly beloved,
1246
01:22:01,796 --> 01:22:04,879
we are gathered here today,
1247
01:22:04,962 --> 01:22:07,837
to join together in holy matrimony,
1248
01:22:07,921 --> 01:22:09,962
Saskia,
1249
01:22:10,046 --> 01:22:13,754
-and Tim.
-We're not.
1250
01:22:17,587 --> 01:22:21,254
Um, ladies and gentlemen,
1251
01:22:21,337 --> 01:22:22,962
hi.
1252
01:22:24,671 --> 01:22:31,046
Alex. Des.
You made me feel like part of a family,
1253
01:22:31,129 --> 01:22:36,796
at a time in my life when I most
needed one.
1254
01:22:36,879 --> 01:22:38,546
Thank you.
1255
01:22:39,504 --> 01:22:41,629
But...
1256
01:22:41,712 --> 01:22:45,796
that's no reason to marry
your daughter.
1257
01:22:45,879 --> 01:22:50,171
There's only one reason why a couple
should do that.
1258
01:22:50,254 --> 01:22:54,379
Fortunately, there's a couple here
who know why,
1259
01:22:54,462 --> 01:22:57,962
and, fortunately,
1260
01:22:58,046 --> 01:23:01,337
they're both very close to me.
1261
01:23:05,879 --> 01:23:09,212
(murmurs from people in church)
1262
01:23:10,254 --> 01:23:15,171
Raif.
Pronounced like a dog throwing up.
1263
01:23:15,254 --> 01:23:16,296
(hushed laughter)
1264
01:23:16,379 --> 01:23:18,587
Raif! (chuckles)
1265
01:23:24,879 --> 01:23:26,671
Are we...
1266
01:23:29,254 --> 01:23:31,879
Are you sure about this?
1267
01:23:31,962 --> 01:23:35,087
(soft instrumental music)
1268
01:23:51,212 --> 01:23:56,171
Well, it wouldn't be legal. You know,
we haven't had the banns read.
1269
01:23:57,296 --> 01:24:03,004
-We've got the audience here, so...
-There's gotta be a bit of it you can do.
1270
01:24:03,087 --> 01:24:06,587
Do you think maybe you could
improvise?
1271
01:24:06,671 --> 01:24:10,504
It would almost be like being...
an actor.
1272
01:24:21,254 --> 01:24:24,379
Dearly beloved,
(applause and cheers)
1273
01:24:27,004 --> 01:24:29,504
We are gathered here today,
1274
01:24:29,587 --> 01:24:32,671
to join in holy matrimony,
1275
01:24:32,754 --> 01:24:36,712
Saskia and Raif.
1276
01:24:36,796 --> 01:24:40,046
(cheers and applause)
1277
01:24:43,212 --> 01:24:48,754
We got married.
I know, what the hell were we thinking?
1278
01:24:49,837 --> 01:24:52,837
But, honestly, it was the greatest day.
1279
01:24:52,921 --> 01:24:54,462
(clicking of camera)
1280
01:24:54,837 --> 01:24:57,087
Not that the rest of the day went
without a hitch.
1281
01:24:57,171 --> 01:25:00,296
Saskia forgot that her bouquet
was largely made of metal.
1282
01:25:00,379 --> 01:25:01,837
(groans)
1283
01:25:03,379 --> 01:25:04,837
(clicking of camera)
1284
01:25:05,337 --> 01:25:09,837
Patricia put on a fur hat
and got attacked by a falcon.
1285
01:25:09,921 --> 01:25:13,462
I don't care whether it looks worse or not.
It's embarrassing.
1286
01:25:13,546 --> 01:25:16,587
Fucking ridic...I'm sorry, Vicar.
(squeals)
1287
01:25:16,671 --> 01:25:20,796
And somebody turned on the overhead
fan during the butterfly release.
1288
01:25:20,879 --> 01:25:23,171
(camera clicks, squeals)
1289
01:25:23,254 --> 01:25:27,546
But the best bit was
the father-of-the-bride speech.
1290
01:25:27,629 --> 01:25:29,671
(applause)
1291
01:25:29,754 --> 01:25:31,379
Go on, Des.
1292
01:25:41,171 --> 01:25:43,337
(clears throat)
1293
01:25:43,421 --> 01:25:45,837
It's all right. It's all right, love.
1294
01:25:49,921 --> 01:25:53,379
When I was my daughter's age
I ran away from home,
1295
01:25:54,212 --> 01:25:57,296
to the Isle of Man,
(chuckles)
1296
01:25:57,379 --> 01:26:00,546
And there I met a Frenchman who
showed me a bit of tenderness,
1297
01:26:00,629 --> 01:26:02,962
bit of compassion.
1298
01:26:03,046 --> 01:26:06,921
Went on to show me several other things,
including his,
1299
01:26:07,004 --> 01:26:11,004
camp-site, his tent, his genitals.
(laughter)
1300
01:26:11,087 --> 01:26:13,337
But to that boy,
1301
01:26:13,421 --> 01:26:16,587
whoever he was,
(chuckles)
1302
01:26:16,671 --> 01:26:19,629
And I've genuinely no idea,
1303
01:26:19,712 --> 01:26:22,504
and to my mother,
1304
01:26:22,587 --> 01:26:24,879
I owe everything.
1305
01:26:25,837 --> 01:26:29,254
(upset) Because that combination,
1306
01:26:29,337 --> 01:26:32,379
of coldness and warmth,
1307
01:26:32,462 --> 01:26:35,796
meant that I ended up with this.
1308
01:26:38,879 --> 01:26:42,379
You know, when a bride's late
for her wedding,
1309
01:26:42,462 --> 01:26:46,212
most normal women assume
it's an attack of nerves but,
1310
01:26:46,296 --> 01:26:50,921
I genuinely thought that history
had repeated itself,
1311
01:26:51,004 --> 01:26:55,254
that she might have done a runner
from me and found her Isle of Man,
1312
01:26:55,337 --> 01:26:59,879
and gone. And I wouldn't have blamed
her because,
1313
01:26:59,962 --> 01:27:04,587
I made that mistake we so often make.
1314
01:27:04,671 --> 01:27:08,629
I'd grown to be more like my parent,
1315
01:27:08,712 --> 01:27:13,171
when I should have grown more
like my child.
1316
01:27:16,254 --> 01:27:18,712
I expect you've spotted that,
1317
01:27:18,796 --> 01:27:21,337
Saskia didn't marry Tim.
1318
01:27:21,421 --> 01:27:25,629
She didn't even legally get married.
I don't actually know what happened but,
1319
01:27:25,712 --> 01:27:29,254
I don't care. I don't care.
1320
01:27:30,462 --> 01:27:33,004
I just want you to be happy.
1321
01:27:34,629 --> 01:27:37,462
And just come shopping
with me sometimes.
1322
01:27:37,546 --> 01:27:39,921
(applause)
1323
01:27:40,004 --> 01:27:43,254
(rock music)
1324
01:27:43,337 --> 01:27:44,796
(camera clicks)
1325
01:27:45,546 --> 01:27:49,046
(music, cheers, applause)
1326
01:28:00,004 --> 01:28:04,462
So, there we are, then. The end of
my wedding video. (chuckles)
1327
01:28:04,546 --> 01:28:07,879
Not what I thought I was making
when I started.
1328
01:28:07,962 --> 01:28:10,629
I mean, I did have a hunch
how it would end.
1329
01:28:10,712 --> 01:28:12,962
With the groom looking at the bride,
1330
01:28:13,046 --> 01:28:15,796
knowing that he is
the luckiest man on earth.
1331
01:28:15,879 --> 01:28:16,921
(camera clicks)
1332
01:28:17,004 --> 01:28:18,879
That shot.
1333
01:28:24,587 --> 01:28:28,712
♪ Every day is a reminder
1334
01:28:28,796 --> 01:28:32,587
(cheering) That's it,
cross-check and doors to manual.
1335
01:28:32,671 --> 01:28:36,504
♪ Every day is a reminder
1336
01:28:36,587 --> 01:28:39,546
♪ We ain't nothing but some
1337
01:28:39,629 --> 01:28:43,921
♪ If you cough up your smoke
cos your habit's a joke
1338
01:28:44,004 --> 01:28:47,546
♪ Da-da-da-da don't stop now
1339
01:28:47,629 --> 01:28:49,379
♪ If you the day
1340
01:28:49,462 --> 01:28:53,921
So we sit down, we do an interview
and we draw up a character profile,
1341
01:28:54,004 --> 01:28:56,796
and then we match the flowers
direct to your personality.
1342
01:28:56,879 --> 01:29:00,004
-Anyone ever come back as a cactus?
-No.
1343
01:29:00,087 --> 01:29:01,421
Triffid?
1344
01:29:01,504 --> 01:29:04,421
-Yes, madam?
-Cauliflower?
1345
01:29:05,254 --> 01:29:08,587
About eight and a half inches.
(chuckles) Yeah.
1346
01:29:08,671 --> 01:29:10,546
I'm just kidding.
1347
01:29:10,629 --> 01:29:13,337
♪ We're nothing but some matter
1348
01:29:13,421 --> 01:29:16,212
(laughing)
1349
01:29:16,296 --> 01:29:19,004
♪ Every day
1350
01:29:19,087 --> 01:29:20,587
♪ Every day
1351
01:29:20,671 --> 01:29:24,296
I now take you as Mrs Frodo Baggins.
1352
01:29:25,087 --> 01:29:27,712
Oh, bugger, wrong ring.
1353
01:29:27,796 --> 01:29:28,962
(squeals)
1354
01:29:29,046 --> 01:29:30,671
(Raif) Thank you.
1355
01:29:31,212 --> 01:29:34,504
I need a lake. I need a lake and a pond.
1356
01:29:34,587 --> 01:29:37,671
(music)
1357
01:29:37,754 --> 01:29:40,337
Ready, Go!
1358
01:29:40,421 --> 01:29:42,379
(Saskia groans) Ow!
1359
01:29:42,462 --> 01:29:46,629
(music)
1360
01:29:48,254 --> 01:29:51,546
(Jenna hums)
1361
01:29:51,629 --> 01:29:54,046
(music)
1362
01:29:54,129 --> 01:29:57,837
-Everything all right, gentlemen?
-Er, yes, thank you, lovely.
1363
01:29:57,921 --> 01:30:01,629
(cheers and applause in background)
1364
01:30:03,837 --> 01:30:08,712
(guitar music)
♪ Your woman is your angel
1365
01:30:08,796 --> 01:30:13,379
♪ Your left side
is your whole life
1366
01:30:13,462 --> 01:30:20,046
♪ And easily, the most beautiful thing
in your world
1367
01:30:20,129 --> 01:30:23,212
(guitar music)
1368
01:30:25,921 --> 01:30:28,629
I can't believe you wrote that just for me.
1369
01:30:30,546 --> 01:30:32,212
Every word.
1370
01:30:39,587 --> 01:30:41,171
Cut!
1371
01:30:41,254 --> 01:30:45,421
(instrumental music)
1372
01:30:48,254 --> 01:30:52,421
P2P Subtitling